Everything I needed to know about the menopause… No One Told Me

This blog comes from Oxford academic June Girvin, who shares her experiences of the menopause, the taboo and the information gap. 

Page last updated 25 April 2022.

A message to readers from June Girvin, July 2020:

To all you lovely women who have commented on this blog – THANK YOU.

When I wrote this in 2015, I had no idea it would still be being read and resonating with women 5 years later. I also spent quite a while making my mind up whether to share such a personal experience. I am so glad I did – if knowing that you are not alone has helped just one other woman, just one little bit, then it is so worthwhile. And to see so many of you posting and talking to each other about your experiences and supporting each other is a joy. I hope all of you find your way through, with or without medical help. Good luck.

Everything I needed to know about the menopause… No One Told Me

I think my lived experience of the ‘last taboo’ or the ‘Big M’ (thankfully one rarely hears it called ‘THE CHANGE’ anymore with all its doom-laden, metamorphic overtones) might be useful out there in the ether where women are searching for something that relates to their own experience.

I am post-menopause. I am out the other side. I have become the Crone, the Wise Woman. I prefer the latter for obvious reasons. My last period (unless there is just one more lurking in there to surprise me) was about eighteen months ago and that was two years after what I would call my ‘regular’ periods stopped. And it’s only within the last six months or so that some of the more common symptoms of menopause have begun to subside. I still get night sweats for instance, and occasional flushes during the day. No one told me that I would still sometimes feel menopausal, post menopause. And that’s why I agreed to write this, because No One Told Me.

There is some real suffering out there, and mostly in silence.

Like every woman, I had a general idea of what to expect from being menopausal. Hot flushes, irregular periods, moodiness. These are the symptoms most commonly discussed when you do a general search, or read about menopause in women’s magazines – which, incidentally, I suspect are a major source of information for a lot of women. What I didn’t realize, or read about, was how disruptive, intense and severe some of these symptoms can be. I know that not everyone has a really bad time, but from speaking with friends and colleagues (those who were prepared to talk in any detail – some were in a state of definite denial about it all, some embarrassed to talk detail). There is some real suffering out there, and mostly in silence.

I wasn’t expecting this…

For instance, the hot flushes and night sweats didn’t really bother me. The development of severe migraine that disabled me for 24 hours at least once a fortnight did. I was expecting irregular, heavier periods. I wasn’t expecting to bleed three weeks out of four, or to have such excruciating period pain that I was given IM Pethidine by a sympathetic GP.

I wasn’t expecting bouts of dizziness and nausea requiring me to lie down for an hour at random times of the day. I was expecting to feel a bit tearful, a bit snappy. I wasn’t expecting to be completely out of control of my emotions. Crying at criticism, at imagined slights, at the television for God’s sake. Or being angry and sharp, irrationally boiling with rage over really small things. Being within a hair’s breadth of walking out of work, of leaving home and twelve hours later thinking ‘What on earth, was that all about?’ It was about peri-menopause.

No One Told Me it could be like that.

No one warned me that these symptoms might be severe and intense so that I could recognize and work through those times to minimize the disruption to me, my colleagues, my family, my work. And then there were the myriad of other relatively minor things – forgetfulness, poor concentration, weight gain (and how it just creeps on…and creeps on…and creeps on), forgetting what I wanted to say mid-sentence, aches and pains, fatigue. There really is a seemingly endless list.

The search for reliable information

The problem for me was that I couldn’t find anything that helped me to decide on what might help. I thought HRT wasn’t an option for me because of the migraines and looking for alternatives was fraught with marketing claims and counterclaims, hearsay and opinion.

I was a marketing person’s dream – slightly desperate, willing to try anything, unable to discriminate

I scoured bookshop shelves for information that was sensible, informed (perhaps even evidence-based) and accessible. There were books on ‘women’s health’ that included it as a section – usually a short and not very detailed section. One had a bibliography, there were rarely any references. In magazines and on web forums there were people enthusing about wild yams, black cohosh and red clover. In health food shops I felt like I was a marketing person’s dream – slightly desperate, willing to try anything and unable to discriminate.

Cochrane is a source of reliable, evidence-based information

As someone working in an academic environment, I knew about Cochrane and that its reviews and websites are an excellent source of reliable and evidence-based information. I hoped they might be able to discriminate for me. I looked for the literature, but there isn’t a lot and what’s available is mostly geared around HRT, physiologically oriented and clearly aimed at medical scientists or clinicians. There was not much by way of good literature on effective alternative approaches to managing menopausal symptoms. For women for whom HRT is not an option, the temptation to spend an awful lot of money on products that, at best, have a marginal effect, is huge. If menopausal symptoms are severe then you really do want to believe that something will help – however wild it may seem. There are Cochrane ReviewsAcupuncture for menopausal hot flushes (poor evidence), Phytoestrogens for vasomotor menopausal symptoms (poor evidence) and Black cohosh (Cimicifuga spp.) for menopausal symptoms (poor evidence), for example. There is just not enough that is easily accessible to most women on which to base good, well-informed decisions. But all is not lost.

Useful resources on menopause

There was one book that was detailed and helpful and that was Miriam Stoppard’s ‘Menopause: The Complete Guide to Maintaining Health and Well-being and Managing Your Life’. It was, at the time, and in the bookshops I was looking in (high street), the only one that seemed based on real experience, was written by a female doctor who had clearly been there, and was evidenced-based. I’ve just looked up the latest edition, and it is better than ever. I would recommend it wholeheartedly. It gave me a context to see my own symptoms in, was clear about where possible therapies were evidence-based and where they were not, and was accessibly and confidently written.

I’m also now aware of work being done by the Health Experiences Research Group which has produced much of the material for the healthtalk site, which includes films of women talking about their experience of menopause. You can also find the healthtalk section on Menopause here and it’s terrific. If only I had been able to access it, it would have saved me a lot of worry and uncertainty, and stopped me thinking that I had become a wild, emotionally unstable woman forever!

So, from a three-way conversation on social media, to disclosing my very personal experiences on this blog, I hope to be doing my bit to demolish the ‘last taboo’. I’m a bright, highly successful woman, a senior leader in my field. It’s probably a risk for me to talk about this, even though it’s in the past. A difficult menopause tested my confidence, my work, my emotional and personal life – but I’m out the other side and feeling good. I hope this resonates with some other menopausal women – and I hope it encourages more research and more sharing of the experiences.

June Girvin has nothing to disclose. 


Stoppard M. Menopause: the complete guide to maintaining health and well-being and managing your life. Revised edition. London: Dorling Kindersley; 2001.

Lethaby A, Marjoribanks J, Kronenberg F, Roberts H, Eden J, Brown J. Phytoestrogens for menopausal vasomotor symptoms. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2013, Issue 12. Art. No.: CD001395. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD001395.pub4.

Dodin S, Blanchet C, Marc I, Ernst E, Wu T, Vaillancourt C, Paquette J, Maunsell E. Acupuncture for menopausal hot flushes. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2013, Issue 7. Art. No.: CD007410. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD007410.pub2.

Leach MJ, Moore V. Black cohosh (Cimicifuga spp.) for menopausal symptoms. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2012, Issue 9. Art. No.: CD007244. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD007244.pub2.

Everything I needed to know about the menopause… No One Told Me by June Girvin

is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

279 Comments on this post

  1. Inducing Lactation is a natural way that helps women in reducing their symptoms during menopause. The process involves stimulating one’s breasts to attempt at producing milk, which can provide some relief from the hot flashes caused by menopause due to its estrogen-like effects on body temperature regulation. An overview can be found at https://anrhouston.com/here-are-several-good-reasons-why-you-should-induce-lactation-during-menopause/
    Women who choose this alternative method for relieving the intense symptoms of menopause are not only benefiting their physical health but also reducing stress and anxiety levels, as it can be emotionally overwhelming to go through such significant life changes. Inducing Lactation requires discipline in maintaining a strict milk-producing diet, regular exercise regime, and other factors. More information can be found at https://lactation.wiki/wiki/Inducing_Lactation_Resources

    Nancy / Reply
  2. Thanks for the sharing informative article.

    Vikrant / Reply
    • I’m 40 I had my first symptom at 36 , vertigo and dizziness when getting my cycle ,I thought I had something neurological wrong with me or something life threatening,then I got covid and was even more menopausal for some reason , I was diagnosed with adenomyosis at 38 and had a hysterectomy at 39 catapulting me into even more of a menopausal state although they kept my ovaries intact, the last year after the hysterectomy I have been left to rot , my anxiety is through the roof , panic attacks come randomly, I’m chronically fatigued and dizzy and my head feels so fuzzy and heavy somedays I feel like I will pass out ,or that I’m about to imminently die , the hot flushes I can cope with , the tiredness I can cope with , the lack of joy and loosing that fire in my belly I can cope with , but the feeling of pressure in my head and the unsteadiness and uncomfortablenesses of being in my body , the feeling that I’m leaving my body is scary , my health anxiety is insane !!! I just have to go to a dr surgery (even if it’s for my kids ) and my blood pressure is through the roof , I have endometriosis in my diaphragm that keeps growing I’m in pain and breathless , gallbladder and neck , shoulder pain that’s cyclical ( usually on right side is strong indicator of endometriosis in diaphragm) I get left hand pain too near my heart ( can’t even go there yet the worry is too much )and I’m s’due an operation and I just can’t do it , I’m so broken at times. I don’t want hrt , I don’t trust Drs to get it right , I suffer with migraines too just to top it all off , all I can think is one day I’ll be ok , one day I will feel back in my body and peaceful , I take magnesium, ashwaganda, and practice breathing and tapping , I try vegus nerve exercise etc some days I feel ok , most days I push through , some days I’m incapacitated , there’s many more symptoms, my boys are supportive I’m very vocal about it , my husband struggles but is supportive, he pains to see me pained , I havent worked in 4 years , external family members do not understand, and are uneducated and insulting , pure ignorance what a treat for them they can be so ignorant, shockingly I get this mostly from older women in the family !!! I want my life back , I want to work I want a full life , but just being a mum and cooking and cleaning and making sure they are all ok and that I’m ok is all I have in me right now x

      Sinead / (in reply to Vikrant) Reply
  3. I was having pre menopausal symptoms in my late 40’s and am now 55. I am surprised to hear so many women who are going thru this alone and not having anyone to talk to about it. I guess I was lucky my mother told me about menopause when I was pre menopausal and we talked about what I was experiencing and what she went thru. We both see the same female Dr for check ups because she is very nice and very wise I started taking the same medication my mom took to help her overly emotional days, she cried alot over little things and I got very angry about little things and I woke up feeling angry about life and how stupid and pointless everything was. I would suggest if you have a regular Dr you see to ask them what the options are to help with menopause symptoms. The medication I was prescribed helped me so much after so many days of taking it I actually woke up early and felt happy and positive about my day I was actually looking forward to having some coffee and doing dishes, no more crazy angry rants over silly things.

    Stacy / Reply
    • Hi there
      My symptoms are mood swings very bad ones I’m on an antidepressant… was your medication HRT ? Or something else … I know there are different makes of hrt so I think I need to change my one ..,
      Ide be interested in knowing what medication helped u if u didn’t mind disclosing this info x

      Jo Rowarth / (in reply to Stacy) Reply
    • Hi there
      My symptoms are mood swings very bad ones I’m on an antidepressant… was your medication HRT ? Or something else … I know there are different makes of hrt so I think I need to change my one ..,
      Ide be interested in knowing what medication helped u if u didn’t mind disclosing this info x

      Jo Lorth / (in reply to Stacy) Reply
    • Wow, I feel the exact same way! Can you share the meds you were prescribed just for information?

      Joc / (in reply to Stacy) Reply
    • I’m on fire after I take my hormones replacement pill does anyone esle do this at 57 after having everything take out at the age 21.?? PLease help me I’m going carzy with this.

      Jeanette / (in reply to Stacy) Reply
  4. Thanks for sharing informative article.

    Manish / Reply
  5. Thanks for sharing an informative article.

    ajay / Reply
    • In 2015 I had a complete hysterectomy I’m 57 now and I was told if I didn’t go through menopause right then I wouldn’t go through it.but now that I’ve turned 57 I’ve seen changes I cry all the time I think my family rather not be around me I think my boyfriend doesn’t want me.i sweat alot.have headaches can’t sleep I’m angry at times.dont know if this is premenopausal or what

      Melanie / (in reply to ajay) Reply
      • hi last night i got very sick im a know astamatic and heart patient so we had sex and i jus couldn’t breathe i took prednisone i had to use the nebulizer it took me an hour to com right please help me

        ashna / (in reply to Melanie) Reply
  6. Ho I’ve been suffering with upper abdominal pain almost like period pain but it just aches all day long. Has anyone experienced this because it’s making me so anxious.. ??

    Sam / Reply
  7. It is true we ladies should speak a bit more about this stuff mums should also tell there daughters a bit later on in life
    I was bleeding almost nonstop for 6 months ended up with life with threatening anaemia my heart was pounding out of my chest and another week I might not have been here i went to the doctors several times and they only attended me when it got urgent I had a blood transfusion and 2 iron infusions I am usually fit and healthy
    I do think covid has exacerbated the situation along with stress and then so tired it was difficult to eat much
    It was scary and painful my partner walked out on me, I was moving house amongst a million other things I am now on provera and had and ecg scans all sorts of test and a few more to go
    I really feel for all us ladies suffering all this and hope more awareness becomes available good luck to everyone suffering out there xx

    Anna Kellett / Reply
    • I feel like I am a failure. Like I have been displaced. My waist line resembles Tweedledum or Tweedledee ( possibly both) and I keep crying. Blubbering around like a whale. I have been through hot flashes and sweats and itchy skin, then the weird periods, and now, I am on dizzy and forgetful and sex?? I vaguely recall the sensual Women I was, now I feel like a girth. A big elasticated pair of beige girthness who has wind both ends and no interest in any thing apart from googling ‘ awful menopause symptoms ‘. It’s like Alice in Wonderland except even the Mad Hatter appears more socially correct and together and lucid. ( Apologies to Lewis Carroll for using my menopause as a comparison to his masterpiece) Meanwhile will now wonder off and forget what it was I wandered off for..

      Rachael Malai Ali / (in reply to Anna Kellett) Reply
      • Thank you for sharing your story anxiety and ocd are my worse symptoms as of now.It seems like we go in stages with our symptoms.It feels like I get rid of one here comes another one.I didn’t know that postmenopause would be this hard.It feels good to know that I’m not alone.

        Sherry / (in reply to Rachael Malai Ali) Reply
      • Your description is how I feel, I can relate, my problem I work, they say they understand but don’t

        Saratha reeves / (in reply to Rachael Malai Ali) Reply
    • Yes, we do need to start speaking out. For the last 10 years, I have felt lost alone, afraid and diagnosed with OCD, insomnia, severe depression, and severe anxiety. Those diagnosis were taken directly off of my moods and behaviors at the time. The older I got the worse they got a constantly live and fight for flight anger. I now have a team of doctors because of a suicide attempt I did and ended up in the hospital or now I have more doctors watching out for me. My primary doctor has stepped up and said let’s do some blood work and today I find out I am in pre-menopausal. So was it menopausal? Was menopausal what I was fighting against that I wanted to take my own life because I can’t take it anymore. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’ve lost myself. My family has been destroyed over this. Through the years I’ve done a pill after pill that they recommended that was going to be the fix group therapy after group therapy was going to be the fix therapy after therapy was going to be the fix. Nothing fixed it. I’m hopefully for the hormonal treatments to help. To relieve some of this pain mentally physically I’m just exhausted. This is my last hope. I want to think of each and everyone of you for sharing your story today you guys gave me help. Thank you.

      Stephanie Honeycutt / (in reply to Anna Kellett) Reply
      • I’ve been thinking I was dying. The dizziness, racing heart after eating, anxiousness and the weight gain. Graarrr thanks for letting us know we are not actually dying. I was scared.

        Christina Schultz / (in reply to Stephanie Honeycutt) Reply
  8. Dear Ladies…. I am experiencing severe fatigue, dizziness and muscle weakness. This us new to me.Had my bloods dine, confirmed very low estrogen level.
    I also have tremors. Does anyone have these symptoms. I feel like Inlostbout on 3 weeks of my life.

    Lilac / Reply
    • I am having the same experiences, quite bebilitating to be honest. The feeling of am I going to faint or am I not has really knocked me for a sixer. I had a hysterectomy Feb 2020. I’m now on HRT Estradot patches have been for 6 days. Still early days to know if they are starting to help.

      Janine Lundt / (in reply to Lilac) Reply
      • I am not sure where to make a general comment, so sorry Janine, but you are the luck one that I am replying to.
        I just found this site, and Holy Moly do I wish I found it years ago. I am 53 and post menopausal, started peri at age 45. I feel like my world has completely changed. I feel as though I am looking at myself from outside. So much has happened in the last few years that I don’t know what I am doing here on earth or who I am anymore. I have been sick for so many years that I don’t leave the house anymore. I look so different and I am paranoid, it even makes it worse to go in public. Fortunately, I work from home as well or I would really be broke. I have become a hermit. I feel like I just exist. I complain constantly to the point I can’t stand myself. I go from one pain to another pain literally, everybody is tired of listening to me and I sure don’t blame them. Just thinking of writing everything here from when perimenopause started till now wears me out. I can’t do it.

        Laura / (in reply to Janine Lundt) Reply
        • Laura,
          I can understand you completely. I am going through some of the same issues. I have a hard time leaving my house. Is the illness because of menopause?

          Colleen / (in reply to Laura) Reply
        • Wow! All I can say is that I’m so sorry your feeling this way but reading your post was like I wrote it myself! I feel exactly everything you do except for the work at home. I don’t have a job right now. My aunt is helping me financially. I’m 52. Started peri- menopause at 45 and my life took a 360 turn!! I don’t even know who I am anymore. Been on HRt for awhile and it helps with some things but I’ve completely lost all motivation for anything. I wish I could be the old Susie. Thank you for sharing your story.

          Susie Long / (in reply to Laura) Reply
        • I read your story and I feel the exact same way! Started peri at 45 I’m 52 now & in full blown menopause! My life hasn’t been the same since I was 45. Everything about my body inside & out has changed. I’m on HRT and it’s helped a bit but I just want my old self back again. I don’t work right now. I had a job for almost 20 years. My aunt helps me financially. I want the old me back so I can work again. Thank you for sharing yr story.

          Susie Long / (in reply to Laura) Reply
        • Is vomiting, diarrhea,not being able to eat for days perhaps signs or part of menopause?

          Jasmiena Winlock / (in reply to Laura) Reply
        • I feel the same and I am 67,never ending story

          Erika Rohac / (in reply to Laura) Reply
      • same with me,I am 67 and I suffer for 20 years.Some days I feel ok,then it stars again,pain in my joints,headaches,I am angry,terrible tired,heartburn etc.And nobody understand me…

        Erika Rohac / (in reply to Janine Lundt) Reply
        • Hi I am 67 also and I am having the dry itch skin . I am angry over the smallest thing I like to be alone I thought I was done at my age but things keep coming up

          Denise / (in reply to Erika Rohac) Reply
    • My blood work shows normal. But I have all symptoms of menopause. Plus now I haven’t had a regular period since October. Then on January I started spotting off and on . Still doing it . It will stop for a few days then start again . It’s very light spotting but driving me nuts cause I can’t get any answers from doctor,s because my blood work , pelvic ultrasound all normal. What can I do?

      Susie Holder / (in reply to Lilac) Reply
      • Wow Susie. You should have your own blog. Some great testimony here, even if I don’t agree with all of it. Thanks for the insight into your journey and helping me personally feel like I’m not alone.

        Melanie / (in reply to Susie Holder) Reply
    • nice

    • Christina Schultz are you still getting the tremors and dizziness and muscle weakness?

      Abby / (in reply to Lilac) Reply
  9. I am 46. I am married with 1 Son who is 18 this year. I have no past health issues save for anxiety. Anxiety runs deep in our family, however until I tried Birth Control in 2005, I wasn’t afflicted by anxiety. I was 30 and had a two year old. No postpartum.

    I had Anxiety come on in 2005 after trying out Depo Provera. It appeared within 3 months. I went to a doctor. Who told me It was a side effect of the Depo and I should take some anti depression meds to stabilize it. He gave me Zoloft. Not long after this I went downhill. I called the pharmacy and told them what was happening and they said “you need more”. I did not agree. I quit cold turkey and went back to normal anxiety. I went through side effects of the Zoloft for 2 years and then it all tapered off. So around 2008 or so, life was back to normal. No Depo. No Zoloft. Horrible stuff. Horrible.
    Previous to this, nothing. Always healthy. Worked 70 hours a week. Traveled every weekend. Healthy social life ect..I had not been on BC prior in life. No health ailments.

    Fast forward to May 2019. I had my first skipped period. I blew it off as stress. Then few months later another skipped. This went on and became normal for me.

    July 2020. I had my first night of not being able to sleep. Then another. And another. 3-4 hours sleep in total. Getting bad. I would nap sometimes in the day to catch up. This is when the intrusive thoughts started. And the skin / body electrification. Oh it was so so bad.

    Sept 2020 I decided it wasn’t going to resolve itself. So, I started reading online. I read a lot. And it was another month before I realized this was probably menopause related. Peri/or Menopause. Either way I figured I should go in this direction. There was one article about a women who referred t it as a “derangement”. I concur wholeheartedly. Additionally, Patient.info menopause forum, has outstanding support for women in the transition. This forum has so many amazing honest posts. It has saved me. In all ways you can be saved during this time. Has been my life support.

    I already had Magnesium, as I keep it around for daily use. My husband already uses Melatonin so that was in the house. I had a lot of the supplements needed as we keep them avail as we make our own drinks daily. Few things I had to buy though.

    But what I really needed was solid information about not just “menopause” but these horrible horrible things happening that weren’t in the 1 paragraph web pages that have zero depth. They were Just summaries of the most common things. While helpful in some respects didn’t go into enough detail to make a difference.

    My first step in looking for this. Was finding patient.info forums. I had no idea I was not the only one, like others on here. It is a travesty that it so well hidden. How many women go through this that feel the same way. I have read so many of the posts on here, and all the comments of every one I read. One was around 200 comments and I read them all. Written By Jennifer. 6 years ago. I remember that first day I found this forum. I was on it. all. day. Just reading. And reading. By the end of the day, it was the first relief I had felt in months.

    I ordered a few of the recommended new reading books off amazon, and while helpful were mostly just about supplements that I already have, and things I already do. However I did feel I needed to read more on the application as this would need to be adjusted according to need.

    I decided to start with cream. I went through trial and error with this as I moved from Sept-Feb 2021. Tried different brands, and types. I started with Progest, then later added estro, and tried different amounts, kept a journal so I could know what was working and what wasn’t.

    There were days I went 30 minutes of well being by 30 minutes. I told one of my friends “you know how at alcohol anonymous they say Day By Day?” She said “yeah”. I said “this is minute by minute”.
    About May 2021 I had finally figured out the right combo and amount for me. As everyone is different. I figured out that if I have only Progest without Estro, it brings depression, if I have estro without progest, it brings anxiety, if have both together I am pretty much stable. Also ,during part of the month I need more of both and during part of the month I dial it back as I need less. If I feel the anxiety getting to high, I dial back the Estro, and vice versa for the Progest. It feels like a moving target, but at least I have some arrows.

    I take breaks in my supplements during the month as well, although I take my melatonin every single night no excuses. I cant ever not sleep like that again. During the 2 days before my period is to come (normal days) even with the melatonin, I take a really long time getting to sleep.

    My husband takes 2ml (we use the liquid) each night. My need is 3.25ml. I started at .5 and worked my up increasing every night until I found my need. Prior to this coming on I had zero need for melatonin. Ever.

    I have a light box I bought. I use this as needed. I drink turmeric. This has been a great mood elevator for me. I keep the spice and sprinkle it liberally into some water, stir and drink down. Taste terrible. But it helps. I keep Aspirin at the ready for heart palps, and will lye down flat, take one, and elevate my feet during these instances. Until they abate. Then continue with my day.

    I also started adding in way more meat to my diet. But I needed clean meat. I found a farm on the other side of the country that raises on site and will ship meat orders. 2 days. On ice. I place my order at the beginning of the month and then part it out and freeze it in individual packages that I then make meals with. This has been very helpful for memory.

    Ok, so the electrification. So I started thinking about it when it first came on. What was I doing? How was I sitting? Were my pants too tight at the waist? Standing? Ect. How was I to assess this?

    Well, to examine this I had to also examine the fact that I am electrically sensitive. I have been all my life, well before the advent of smart meters and cell phones. Well before I knew what it was. I can only explain it as I would feel un-grounded at times. Like I need to touch some wood or the sand outside, to release the charge. It’s what I have always done in the past to get rid of whatever electrical I have picked up or felt I was overburdened with. So, after it didn’t go away, that’s what I did. And this was my experiment with this.

    After a few nights of this I was getting to where I just felt like I was overflowing with electricity. Pulsating even. So I had to do something. So I went outside one morning in bare feet and stood in the earth. I pulled my shirt up to expose my belly and took my fingers and started running them gently in circles as I stood outside. The energy starts flowing out and down through my toes. My first time doing this took nearly an hour to what I now call discharge.

    Eventually I got myself a chair. It was going to be a while doing this. After an hour it was mostly gone, and I could feel the last little bits discharge and flow out as it twinges on the way out the bottom of my foot. I thought omg this is horrible I cant expect to do this every day. But, I had narrowed it down to being electric charge.

    So I got a piece of flat cut wood, birchwood, it was smooth and a small one, and started sleeping with it between my calves at night, as this is a grounding agent also and will discharge as well as the earth. This worked . I did this for many nights and now I could sleep and not wake up in the morning filled with this charge.

    I bought a book that was published in 1909. The title is The Abdominal and Pelvic Brain With Automatic Visceral Ganglia. Written by Byron Robinson MD. He was a Gynecologist, and was married to a Gynecologist. I purchased it off of Alibris Books, this is a worldwide bookseller. It is a reprint, but it is unabridged. It has been a most valuable tool. Most valuable. The chapter specifically relating to menopause is amazing. Why the present day doctors don’t use this information is astounding.

    There are specifics that relate to our change that revolve around our Pelvic Brain. There are current references to the Gut-Brain connection out there, they are just far and few between and not very detailed. The changes described in detail, at length, in this book outline why this occurs. Lost to modern doctors I guess. The mental changes we all have, are also outlined in this book, and details of patients he had that also had intrusive thoughts, depression(they called it melancholy) and anxiety ect.. are all there. And were there over 100 years ago as documented.

    Our insides are literally re-organizing themselves, as part of us is dying. Our neural network, for females, flows though these organs, and when they die, our bodies have to shift our pathways. Think of it like a highway that everyone has traveled on for many many years. Then the highway is closed, and a new road is built and we have to go a new way on a new road. Construction takes time for this to happen, each block for the overpasses, and pavement for the road has to be laid down. That is what our bodies are doing through this. So it is a bumpy ride over the dirt and rock and gravel during construction when going to and fro. This is most likely the cause of the electric charge some of us get. It could be something that needs to happen in order to correctly re-position.

    Through this shift, we suffer while the new road is being built. Our bodies have known this is how we function since puberty. There is a section on this as well. It covers how it is easier moving into puberty than moving out of menstruation concluding in menopause, as puberty is a natural transition upwards. A natural graduation. And moving through to menopause, it is full stop. It also goes into how if we have a rough puberty, menopause will be rough as well.

    I try and pay very close attention to cause and effect. Because there is always causal relationships with health.

    I don’t do doctors. I haven’t in a long time. 100 years ago and prior, people who treated patients were referred to as physicians. To understand what a doctor is, we must understand a doctor isn’t.

    The Textbook definition of a doctor differs greatly from that of a physician.

    Textbook definition of a Doctor is listed as: 1. A person who is licensed to practice medicine and has trained at a school of medicine, chiropractic, optometry, podiatry, dentistry, or veterinary medicine. 2. A practitioner of alternative medicine or folk medicine who does not have traditional medical credentials. 3. A person who has earned the highest academic degree, usually a PhD, awarded by a college or university in a specified discipline. (This version is not required to take the hundreds year old standard
    Hippocratic Oath. Most do not)

    Textbook Definition of a Physician is listed as: 1. A person trained and licensed to practice medicine; a medical doctor. 2. A person who heals or exerts a healing influence. 3. One who practices the art of healing disease and of preserving health; a prescriber of remedies for sickness and disease; specifically, a person licensed by some competent authority, such as a medical college, to treat diseases and pre scribe remedies for them; a doctor; a medical man. (This Version was required to take the Hippocratic Oath. All did so if they wanted to practice.)

    There is a huge disconnect in the medical world we live in. Doctors, today are trained in medical school with curriculum paid for and endorsed by the pharmaceutical industry. The primary objective is to assess what drug to prescribe based on the listed patient complaint. In as little time possible and to bill for as much as possible so the Group survives.

    Most appointments revolve around or in Groups. And are billed by the minute. A person is lucky to get 5 minutes. And 5 minutes wont cut it. In that 5 minutes if they don’t feel they can adequately assess they refer you out. They pass people around a wheel, each passing the patient to the next doctor because there just isn’t enough time in the day to really listen and consider. The major shift for this can be dated to the early 1980s when HMOs came on the scene. However, it was slowly moving into place in the decades prior.

    They must survive to go to work another day. So they can pay for their enormous debt they incur going to medical school. They have to survive, as they are people too, with bills of their own. I don’t blame them. They are on the wheel too. I imagine most go into it with the best intentions, but then the reality of the hamster wheel sets in.

    As well, today’s medical professionals aren’t taught the same fundamentals of health as previous generations. They are taught what to prescribe for the immediate complaint. As long as the motivation is based in profit, the patient will continue to be the last priority.

    Secondly, most doctors graduating medical school today no longer swear to the Hippocratic Oath. They need only draft their own oath, according to how they feel and apply it. There is a reason the oath was put forth as the defacto standard by which all physicians must practice, because without it breeds corruption, contempt, and conflict of interest. And that is what we see happening today as a direct result of its abandonment. https://www.nlm.nih.gov/hmd/greek/greek_oath.html

    My first book I read on the subject, I read in 2005, was Selling Sickness by Ray Moynihan Phd, who is a journalist, academic researcher, and Assistant Professor at Bond University in Australia and David Henry, professor of clinical pharmacology for Iona Heath. It was in this book, years before I hit this, I read a detailed chapter on how menopause is now marketed into an illness, rather than a natural life progression.

    I want to know what doctors have to say, just not in today’s medical industry. So I have always gone further back when researching things. Dental, I have studied a lot of Weston A Prices work from around the turn of the century, Nutrition and Physical Degeneration. Amazing man. Amazing research. Health, I have bought and read a lot of books from around the turn of the century when studying this as well. My first book on this was Starving America written by Alfred McCann 1913. Well written and brilliant. He details the beginning of the food industry as it started changing from wholesome food to factory food and all the ills that he began documenting coming with it. I couldn’t put it down. These insights, of these people who were actually interested in their patients success, are what I value. I have no interest I being a patient for life. I prefer to live, not merely exist. And I prefer it to be on my terms.

    We are all taught, from a very early age, that we are not responsible for our own health. Our heath is the responsibility of a “professional” in the “healthcare” industry. We are not taught to even consider this an option. In fact, it is highly frowned upon today to contemplate such things. Sometimes we are so far down the rabbit hole, we can’t help ourselves at that moment. But that does not take away from the fact that we got that way by handing over the most dearest of choices and decisions to those deemed to be the keepers of general health. If we were brought up to prioritize our own well being, early on, we would not be searching for just a shred of information on the hour of our worst nightmare. We would already know, if not expect it. And we would be somewhat prepared.

    Presently, the healthcare system functions with a one size fits all approach. And little to zero accountability. The problem with this is no one person is physiologically the same to another. Some have deficiencies that need to be addressed as well as the issue at hand, ect.. Thus a one size fits all is not applicable in most if not all cases. That needs to change. The approach needs to change. We need to stop classifying normal life events as illness and treat them as expected life experiences. We need to stop letting the pharmaceutical industry teach the doctors. This is a conflict of interest on its very face.

    I have zero interest in leaving my health up to the current system in place to figure out for me. First and foremost, this is not a disease, it is a natural life progression. That is why there is no cure. We must all progress through it eventually.

    Our symptoms are not individual symptoms, they are all part of the change as a whole. Currently, they are treated as a disease, and further, as separate instances of disease. I think this contributes greatly to Health Anxiety at its base. While the case can be made for some who legitimately have some separate issues alongside the progression, if there was a statistical encompassing study that was run over say a 20 year span, I think it would overwhelmingly be determined that those people would be the exception to the rule. Not the rule itself.

    I don’t join things. Not a joiner. I am an observer and studier. But I wanted to thank you all. Without places like this I don’t know that I would have come this far, and some days maybe not of made it through at all. My grandmother died 10 years ago, and I don’t have a mother. My maternal side of the family is all overseas as my grandmother was an immigrant. My only sibling is an unmarried brother. As well, none of my friends have hit this yet. My fathers mother died in 2000. I have no paternal aunts only uncles. So I truly have zero familial maternal resources. My husband is amazing.

    My last period was in July 2021, going on 6 months now.

    You are the best. group of people. I have ever come across. Thank You!!!

    Ruth / Reply
    • Wow, Ruth! Thank you for so much powerful information. I shall look to purchase your book recommendations. I’m 46 and have been perimenopausal for several years but recently my symptoms have stepped up and I feel extremely out of sorts. I haven’t had a period for almost 2 months now which is the longest time so far. I happened to come across this post and thread in my search for answers. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon this valuable resource! I’m sure I’ll be coming back to it again and again! Thanks Ruth! Lucy

      Lucy / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Hi im 45 years old no menstruation for 2 months. Im on severe insomia i can’t sleep well for almost 3 weeks doctors gave me lorazepam for anxiety i developed ringing which i dont experience before in my life
      There are days that I’m going to go crazy
      Ob GYN dont entertain me whenever i brought up about perimenopausal symptoms she said that im only have anxiety . I dont know what to do
      I dont want to continue my lorazepam
      But i can’t sleep without taking it
      What is happening to me please help

      I dont want to go to doctors anymore
      They kept me coming back and issue another meds

      Susana cruz / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
      • Susana you are probably perimenopausal. You can try to find a hormone replacement therapy doctor. Best hormones are bio identical. I’ve also found this journey a challenge. I’m now on estradiol patches (estrogen) and utrogestan (progesterone). I take the utrogestan vaginally to stop the depressive symptoms. There is a magnesium formula by pacific health called magtaur xcell, which could help with your insomnia it’s Amazing. It has a bit of taurine for low mood but also the magnesium helps sleep. There are B vitamins it it too. Good luck. You can do this!

        Kate Parker / (in reply to Susana cruz) Reply
    • You are amazing. I fully believe in everything you’ve said

      Dawn / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Wow, I am only 36 as of December 2022, and have recently started to notice things that I would consider unusual about myself and my body…. But I have to say, your passion and in depth comment made a significant difference in the way I was feeling about all of this. I would give you a huge hug if I could! I can’t even put it into words how relieved I am or how much more confident I am after having read your statement. Thank you enough, I cannot.
      But thank you

      pannda / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Oh my goodness Ruth, I’m sat here crying with relief that I’ve found you! I read all the other comments and they’re great and sharing, thank you each of you. But you feel exactly the same way as me about this natural process of life and the same about our current GP pharmaceutical situation and you reminded me that the intense fear I’m feeling about my mind and body feeling like it’s not mine, is because the information I’ve been desperate to find to support me through this phase, hasn’t been there! I have let go of the tension in my body for the first time in years, and I can’t thank you enough for that release.
      Feeling like you’re going to burst with overwhelm, anxiety, lack lustre response to life is just awful. I too have struggled with anxiety forever, anxiety is so all consuming with its ‘what if’ fear nagging in my ear, holding me back from living a full life. Don’t get me wrong, I have 3 daughters, a full time job, I teach yoga, but outside of those things, I’m generally questioning what if I feel anxious any time it comes to doing something different.
      You’ve helped me connect to myself again, trust that it is a natural process, that I can go through this, I’ve not tried any hormonal creams etc yet, I’ve been the health food shop customer and rattle with supplements that really aren’t helping! I don’t know where to start to get the holistic support I crave?
      I, like anyone on here, am just looking to wake up and feel connected to myself and those around me, to feel grounded, confident, able to laugh, enthusiastic, healthy, able and dare I say it… happy?!… thank you Ruth, I’m not a sharer either, bringing me out in hives just writing this, but your note has really resonated with me, I’m aware that I’m actually sad and grieving my old body and need to open to flowing into the new one! Here’s to the fear, anxiety, bumps and all!xx

      Naomi / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Ruth, thank you for this
      It was so helpful

      Rachael Malai Ali / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • May God bless you Ruth!

      Elen / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Dear Ruth,

      Ii am writing this 2 years after you wrote your incredible comment regarding your journey and research.

      Thank you so much for sharing your life, it’s literally mind blowing and also so well written and comforting. I too believe in my own health and gut instinct about my own body.

      I am currently trying to fathom out my own main meno problem, that is extreme period pain with no period, extreme bloating, we joke at work “I’ve got the Dinosaur Kids pregnancy” I gets massive, like a man with a massive beer bloat gut and no waist – when it all disappears (usually 2 weeks) I look and feel normal again. I’ve been tested for cysts, the bloods etc come back neg, but I have had 6 seperate occasions in my life of 3.5 inch diameter one’s but I was told these weren’t big enough (!) When they burst I’d throw up for two days and the period would be nasty.

      My theory, it’s high carbs doing this to me, I don’t eat loads but insulin sensitive people get worse from comsuming one French Fancy, sadly ! It can tip the balance into cyst-ville.

      Having enjoyed 68 days beforehand, with no period and no poly-cystic symptoms, I find it easy to forget I ever had cysts and period pain because i feel happy in those days 🙏🏻. I now feel, as I write, it would be an idea to write reminders in my diary on my phone “Sugar gives you Dino babies and remember what cysts feel like”!

      With best wishes

      Suzanne / (in reply to Ruth) Reply
    • Hi Ruth, you are not alone. I am still having a bit of spotting once every 50 to 60 days, but I am feeling the same way as all these woman I now know it’s not just me as well.
      Stay strong beautiful woman!
      My name is Tammy and I’m 52 going on 70 it feels like. Wishing you all the strength to make it through however long it takes🤗🙌
      GIRL POWER!!!

  10. Thank you June for your blog. It is quite frustrating to discover very little reliable and comprehensive information available about female health. I found perimenopausal anxiety so intense, it robbed my confidence and ability to cope with work. It amazes me how my doctor took the seriousness of that so lightly, that someone can be debilitated to the point that you can’t work full time but have become part time casual. I don’t suffer anxiety as intensely now but my confidence is shot. The worst part about menopause, for me, is the sleepless nights and night sweats. Painful sex and the discomfort of a dry vagina are also no joke. I wont list any more of the indignities as you’ve mentioned them and so have numerous others in their comments. Sisters, you are not alone. Eat well. Take supplements like vitamin D for bones and mental health, fish oil, a really top notch vitamin B and minerals. Exercise. Enjoy the sunshine. Love yourself. Care for yourself. We can do this! X

    Chez / Reply
    • Chez there is a vaginal estrogen cream called ovisten. You apply a tiny amount 2x a week (works a treat for lubrication). Good luck!

      Kate Parker / (in reply to Chez) Reply
  11. I am not sure how I feel about finding this information. Maybe today is just a really bad day. I guess I am comforted that many women feel the same things that I feel. Also feeling really sad that so many of us struggle and there is not much help out there. I feel that if menopause affected men, there would be a cure by now. But it affects women and has been so overlooked for decades, centuries, forever…

    Jen / Reply
  12. Hi ladies, my name is samantha, (sam), looking at all the comments, wow what a nightmare we are all going through. I started the menopause at 39, 40, it truly was horrendous, mood swings, weight gain, and the hot flashing, I had two fans in my bedroom also dreaded the hot summer days, I tried HRT, but it was not for me at all, then once I turned 50 years old they stopped I lost all of the weight it was amazing, now I’m 54, it’s all started once again! I truly can’t believe it, my doctor it no good at all I’m now researching help from American doctors, as for some reason here in the UK, they have no answers for us, yet in America you can have a hormone check and they help, once I have found out anything to help us I shall report to us all suffering lady’s, .
    Kind regards samantha. Fingers crossed lady’s.

    Samantha Henderson / Reply
  13. I just turned 46 a few days ago. I have been having the perimenopausal symptoms since I was about 35 or 36. Began with mood swings and a missed period here and there. couple of hot “episodes” (nothing like flashes). About 4 years ago the flashes came at night, causing sweating, which interrupted sleep only. I remember saying, ” The hot flashes aren’t bad, but sweating at night and throwing off the covers, only to instantly be freezing is what I don’t like!”. Then the mood swings started shortly after. Ok somewhat, but then waking up crying, wondering why? then my daily routine was wake up angry with my boyfriend next to me. sitting up, to start crying??? All the while my boyfriend is sitting there wondering….. what the hell did I do? To “what’s wrong, are you ok, why are you crying???” All I can do is look at him and say “I don’t know!!!” back story…. I have two grown, independant self sufficient young men for sons! My 26 year old is starting his PHD program this year, and his brother 23 is just out of the Marine Corp this last year, and has a great career. So my answer to people around me who ask…. “Why/ How are you always so happy and positive?”……. I have the most awesome boys, they are my motivation. I honestly can’t say I have a reason to be unhappy!!” I left my husband of 17 years about 6 years ago. I am making financially sound decisions with my income. So now in the past 10-12 months I’ve been slowly developing anxiety to the point where i don’t want to leave the house. As soon as I start getting ready, and I get anxious and feel scared. the faster I can get myself ready and out the door , the easier it is. But, if I linger or procrastinate I become VERY nervous and jittery. some parts of the month my acne get’s so bad, also no appetite, I am hungry sometimes, but when I begin to eat I can only take a few bites. I have NEVER been so stuck. It’s starting to interfere with my boyfriend. It seems worse when I am going somewhere with him. I haven’t gone to the doctor. I am not wanting to take any pills, supplements, and not up for expensive hormone treatments. I have tentavly used essential oils, diffused, and topical, but not consistent enough to be effective, as I am not good at staying consistent with vitamins, beauty regimens.. … . At this point, after the last 3 WORST days I have EVER experienced in my life! I had the most INTENSE hot flashes that went through my ENTIRE body, pouring sweat, until I think I’m going to spontaneously combust, then freezing to the point of needing 2 heavy blankets to stop shivering. I can’t STAND how my body feels at all, like having the chills all day! I am at WAR with my body, and I want to be friends again! I am willing to try SOMETHING! before I loose the best job I’ve ever had! would anyone have a fairly simple completely natural idea? I don’t know where to start! and I’m exhausted!

    Rhea French / Reply
    • I am the same way you are i had anixety so bad and jittery and very nervous i was ok about 5 year ago when they put a iud in my for heavy bleeding and feeling this was i told the doc i feel bad again and my anixety is everyday and all day i had to quit my job because of this all doc keeps saying is take anxiety meds i told them they make it worse they say i will give you another one im so sick of this no one wants to help me now im afraid to go out because on how i feel i ask them dont you think the iud wore off because its over 5 years they said i dought it that wouldnt make you have anixety so bad but i keep reading how alot of people have anixety when there going through the change i havnt spotted since nov but with an iud i havnt realy bleed maybe spotting one in a while so how would they no if im going through it or not im so sick of every doc just saying you need anxiety pills i dont no what to do

      debbie / (in reply to Rhea French) Reply
      • Debbie, I am 62 and 8 years post menopause. I hear the same frustration with doctors in your words that I experienced. I want you to know there is hope out there, so please don’t give up. After 5 years and 3 doctors telling me I just have to accept my symptoms and there is nothing I can do, I finally got help. I found a Functional Medicine doctor specializing in female hormonal treatment. My first appt I was just a basket case, crying & full of anxiety describing my symptoms and experiences. She listened and responded with, “I can help you.” Those 4 words were never said to me by past doctors. After a few lab tests and many questions she came up with a compounded prescription of just the right amount of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone for me. It sounds like you are not in menopause yet and I don’t want to assume your symptoms were like mine. But, I want you to know that after 6 -months my anxiety is gone and I’m off of Xanax. Going to a Functional Doctor was the best thing I have done for myself. Traditional doctors only know what they know and they don’t know anything else! Sometimes we have to look elsewhere. Good luck and lots of love to you.

        Rebecca / (in reply to debbie) Reply
        • What is a Functional Dr. and I’m 51 postmenopausal and is having a hard time.I can’t even eat one piece of candy without having a hot flash this is not normal Dr. said I’m not prediabetes this not normal.The crying and anxiety is thru the roof I’m so tired of going this.

          Sherry / (in reply to Rebecca) Reply
    • Long story how I stumbled across this. Find a good lavender and lemongrass tea. Sip around the clock. It has improved my symptoms tremendously!

      Beth / (in reply to Rhea French) Reply
    • Your story has really hot home with me so I wanted to reach out and hope you are in a better place and not alone with what you’ve experienced. I just turned 50, been in the perimenapause stage for 6 – 7 years and now worried that after missing periods for 11 months, it’s come back. Now, I keep hearing I should be concerned because it’s been almost a year and this could be a bad sign.
      I too have went back and forth with hot flashes, all types of different cycles. A hot inner radiating flush then soakers and for some reason the panty line area that no one speaks of. Some got flash cycles have been every half hr to hour all day/ all night. I keep wondering how I can keep sane without a proper sleep. Like you, which was the 1st time I’ve heard someone say, I wake up at times with what I would call a night terror. I wake up suddenly with a scream, or feeling of doom or crying like I just lost someone. I felt embarrassed at work so I tried to hide my symptoms as to not appear old and obsolete or too emotional to do my job. I don’t want hormone replacent since there are so many side effects and have made it through this far so what another ? years.
      So thank you for your personal story because it’s helped me now know that my situation isn’t just me and it isn’t so scary once your understood.

      Ali T. / (in reply to Rhea French) Reply
  14. Hi my name is toni
    I have been going through menopause a few yrs now and the heat on my back is a lil worse and I have pains on each side of my neck I went through the sweating in bed at night like a yr ago it’s crazy I’m totally over this menopause I asked my doctor if there was anything I could take and I was told there’s so much a chance it could give me cancer.

    Toni / Reply
    • It just isn’t true that there is a high risk of cancer unless you are in a specific population, and if you are there are other options that can help. Keep looking until you find a doctor that has current information and isn’t stuck in the past. You don’t have to suffer.

      Cara Joos / (in reply to Toni) Reply
  15. This has been really interesting. I went through menopause at 38 years (am now 51) and was really happy as I found what I suffered with menopause a hundred times less than what I suffered monthly for years with my menstrual cycle. I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism during this period so the symptoms are confounded! The brain fog, the sweating and the weight issues are awful and no one has ever been helpful regarding these and so I have had to make it up as I go. I did some literature searching over the years but found most articles were written purely from a clinical academic viewpoint and activities of daily living or quality of life was not really addressed. I have not done any research in years so hopefully this has changed.

    Deirdre / Reply
    • It’s not perfect, but I have been doing better with a supplement I get at Costco, Estroven Complete. It’s not hormonal. I am in the US, however, and I cannot take hormones due to a history of blood clots and a family history of hormone-fed breast cancer. I find I cannot take the med nightly, as directed, because it makes my breasts sore just like pregnancy did.

      I hope you all find help and get what you need!

      Rachel / (in reply to Deirdre) Reply
  16. Hello ladies, I’m Van.
    Firstly I’ll start by saying Thankyou June for starting the thread. I’ve found it so helpful.
    Also Thanking all ladies for sharing your stories, it has helped somewhat knowing I’m not alone. I am now on a waiting list to see a specialist at a private hospital (GP referral) on 20th May after an ambulance came out for me in the early hours of this morning. I was on the phone to the out of hours doctor and while I was explaining to him that I feel ill with it and I was being sick, I actually fainted while on the phone to him and woke to the paramedics knocking at my door. They said they had never seen symptoms as bad as mine and questioned whether it was the menopause. I haven’t had a period since Sept 2020 and in November I started to sweat profusely. It can be seen by all as it just runs down my face, I’m literally wet through from head to toe, my clothes are wringing wet, I used to change approx 15-20 times a day/night and more sometimes until I’m constantly washing so I’m now sat in wet clothes constantly. I’ve resorted to using a hair dryer to try dry me but it doesn’t stop running down me for about 20 mins but while I’m trying, it keeps me warm as after the flush, I start to freeze. Last night I was constantly sweating for 1hr 5mins! I’m feeling suicidal with it, it’s debilitating, I cannot do housework as it makes the hot flushes worse, in fact anything I do makes it worse so I’m sat on a chair at my kitchen table with towels under my clothes and my clothing is still wet. It’s been 6 months with a 2 week break when it stopped all of a sudden and then started up again. I’ve lost so much weight as I weighed 6st 10lbs in March from being 7st 11lbs in November. I’m only 5ft 2″. God knows what I am now as I’m still losing weight, I look like skeletor! My heart races, I’m dizzy, although that has just started over the last week, I was vomiting yesterday too, then after the hot flush I’m freezing. I can’t stop crying as I’m exhausted as I can’t sleep as this comes every hour or less and I’m in more pain than I was. I had an accident 5 years ago and have to wear morphine patches for the spinal injury but with this sweating it is taking my patches off so the pain is horrendous and the GP isn’t replacing them, it’s a joke. I’m snappy with every one then regret it later. I keep explaining it’s not just a hot flush, I’m drenched and have to wear towels under my clothing to soak most of the sweat up but it’s not like the normal sweating, it doesn’t smell and feels different. 3 months ago I was given Clonidine but no effect yet. I was given 25mcg x 3 a day then a month later up to 100mcg x 3, I’m now on 150mcg x 3 a day. I spoke with my pharmacist who knows me well and she said that the dosage I’m on now is not going to work as they are mcg and not mg but you have to be slowly increased as they use this medication to lower blood pressure so a higher dose straight off would probably make you faint. They could have increased them faster than they have though, if I didn’t call the Doctors then I’d still be on 25mcg so if anyone who can’t take HRT then this may be an option for you. I can’t have HRT as there is a big risk as my Mum, Dad, Grandma (Mum’s side), Grandad (Mum’s side), Uncle (Mum’s brother) have all passed away with various cancers but they still offer me it without checking until I tell them to read my notes. I’ve also been offered anti-depressants as they say they can have some effect but I know it’s not going to stop this so I won’t accept just anything although I’m very desperate. Hopefully on 20th May the hospital they’ve referred me to will be able to do something but I honestly don’t hold out much hope as what can they do?
    I hope this has helped you ladies reading this, you’re NOT alone as I have found out although I do feel a little alone in the severity of it. I’ve seen relatives go through the menopause symptoms but never in my life have I seen anyone like me. I will come back to let you know what the specialist says and hopefully it will help others as well as myself. I do think there should be more research done on the menopause as we don’t seem to have many options. Maybe we could all raise more awareness somehow. Hang in there ladies, we will get through this supporting each other.

    Van / Reply
    • Hello Van I have just found this thread in the middle of the night, as I lay awake again with anxiety which I’ve had for most the day and started almost 2 months ago. I’ve many other symptoms beside including weak legs which I’ve never read is a side effect of the menopause. I’ve just read your post and feel so sorry you are going through all this. Some days I’m really struggling to cope but reading this with your struggle, it sounds so bad…
      I can’t go on HRT and I’m at loss what to do as inside my head it’s like I’m recovering from a night out with a serious hangover..
      If anyone knows what to do the managed menopause symptoms of you can’t take HRT I would love to know.. I’ve got hyperplasia so can’t take it.
      I hope you get the help you need Van and would be interested to hear if you get this
      Good luck and very best wishes Debra

      Debra Williams / (in reply to Van) Reply
    • Hi Van. Mirtazapine works as an atypical antidepressant, it’s also got a sleep aid side effect and was the best I ever tried. I also take Evening Primrose oil 1000mg daily ( from amazon – Quest brand ) and that stopped the hot flushes almost immediately. Can you change out your morphine patches to 12 hour slow release oral morphine instead, so you don’t sweat it off? Maybe you are going to need HRT just to balance everything again? Just some ideas. Sending you compassion in your suffering and hoping you are doing a bit better by now, after your appointment. Debbie.

      debbie / (in reply to Van) Reply
    • Weak and shaky legs is a symptom of anxiety. I have experienced it many times. I’ve had anxiety all of my life. I got that under control with effexor. However depression started after going through perimenopause. I’m 49 and this has been going on for about 10 years. The last few months have been grueling. I am an emotional wreck. I have cried everyday several times a day for the past 2 months. I feel like I’m losing my mind. The bags under my eyes will not go away in my entire face is puffy from all the crying. I’ve had some of the craziest symptoms that have at times made me think I was dying. The crashing fatigue and then the days of complete exhaustion. For a while I was waking up in the morning shaking. It was like an internal vibration. I wasn’t cold or anxious or lightheaded. I thought I had Parkinson’s disease. After I got up and moved around it would subside. That went away after a couple months and hasn’t returned. Sometimes I feel completely detached. That’s probably a combination of perimenopause and anxiety.

      Elisa / (in reply to Van) Reply
      • Hello Debbie,

        Thank you for sharing your experience. I have not been feeling okay for the past 1-2 months: anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere, like my head knows that I have zero reason to be anxious, but my body is in fight-flight mode all the time. My hands are shaking in the morning, then I would get an anxiety attacks that feels like someone has pushed me off a rollercoaster. This is totally new to me. I got so worried about my other symptoms (digestive issues, cold flashes, palpitations) that I had everything checked out and all results came back fine except for a huge lack of vitamin D and a high cortisol (stress hormone) level in the morning. Sometimes I cannot stop crying as I am so scared that I have a serious medical issue that the doctors might have missed, while my husband keeps telling me that it is “just” menopause. I am really considering HRT now or antidepressants, basically anything that would help me get my normal self back.

        Zsuzsanna / (in reply to Elisa) Reply
      • Oh crikey I have had very similar experiences the trembling scared me to death and the doctor’s just prescribed anti depressants..I’m now on HRT which seemed to help the first year but now symptoms coming back ..I now have hot flashes In my legs ??I saw one Dr who obviously hadn’t even heard of menapause but told me if I took HRT and kept having eastogen I’d be dead … thanks 👍.. unbelievable how some Dr can preach about things they don’t know enough about !!!

        kay miller / (in reply to Elisa) Reply
    • Hi Van i read your post and like you ive had severe symptoms also. Im 2 year post and still having symptoms. Though i must say that im better than oeri but im still struggling on most days. I had a 2 year post bleed , did biopsy it was normal. Afterward, its like peri restarted. How are you doing now? I hope you re better.

      Mary Johnson / (in reply to Van) Reply
  17. Thanks June.for the article and support for so many women here. So many women here suffering and so many comments I can totally relate to.
    Let’s hope all our sharing will help.I ‘m 56 and have experienced Menopausal symptoms since about 49.I often feel anxious,scared for the future and have found it hard to find work since I left teaching last year.
    Unemployment and financial worries do not help when you suffer from anxiety and the other symptoms that goes with Menopause.
    Its scary when you feel alone and irritability leads to a sense of dread.I have found I have to just get out and go somewhere.Sometimes I feel scared to leave the house but I have to push myself.I have feelings that people annoy me and I feel no tolerance for some.Yoga and exercise does help and being in Nature also.


    Lisa / Reply
    • June I can’t thank you enough for this article & all ladies who’ve shared their heartbreaking stories. I turn 51 in few days & like you all have been suffering horrendous symptoms of perimenopause, since my early 40’s. I’ve lost count of the amount of Doctors I’ve been to regarding my symptoms & have also lost count of amount of money spent. In Ireland, Docs decide if a woman is going through perimenopause / menopause by blood test findings. As of now nothing is showing up in mine to indicate I’m menopausal, nevertheless I suffer dreadfully, my symptoms are all cyclical & very severe. I also was diagnosed with hypothyroidism & put on meds for 6 months, later to be told by specialist to get off meds as wasn’t bad enough to be taking them. I suffered awful nausea for 2 years, which I assumed was hormone related later to discover I had an ulcer, which is now gone, thankfully as is nausea. I was on hrt patches for 1 year but didn’t find they helped me enough to stay on them. Everything I take now is herbal, helping slightly but not enough. I have app with a doctor in women’s clinic in 2 days & hoping to start body identical hrt. I’m praying it helps with my symptoms. I’ve had very few hot flushes & night sweats but the tiredness is worst & also the depression, stress & anxiety. Awful to see so many women suffering so badly but have to say helps me knowing I’m not alone as felt I was for very long time. Thank you so much to all you lovely ladies for sharing your experiences & I really wish you all better health.

      Debi Nevin / (in reply to Lisa) Reply
  18. Thank you for such a comprehensive post with all the references to Cochrane reviews about alternative treatments as well. Even as a gynaecologist, I found myself struggling to apply the evidence I knew was there. When you are suffering it is easy to clutch at straws even though you know there isnt any evidence that it works. The placebo effect is very powerful and it is easy to see why there is such a huge market for so many treatments other than MHT.

    Dr Neelima Deshpande / Reply
    • im 55 female and i had a iud put in 5 years ago for the start of change because i had such heavy bleeding for a year and half everday the iud helped stopped the bleeding but in april it came on 5 years that if expired and months leading up to it ive been getting so shaky jittery and very bad anixety i tell the doc that and ask could it be from the iud wearing off no she says you just have anxiety and you need anixety pill i tried so many they made it worse i keep telling her that she said i dont no what else to do for you she said find the right physicist they find the right meds for you i dont think thats the answer i said i think its hormones doing this. I dont think the answer is anixety meds im afraid to go anywhere because i dont no how i will be

  19. the shroud thats over menopause needs to be lifted & not laden with shame so that future generations don’t have to be walking into it basically blindly like I’ve been.
    Thank You for writing this & putting it out there, sharing links and pointing in directions that aren’t along the same old, generally sexist, line.
    its much appreciated!

    Annie / Reply
    • Hello to all the women on this blog….here is my story…. since I turned 40 I began feeling night sweats….in my mid 40’s these horrible migraines to add to night sweats, breast pain and soreness. About 4 years ago out of nowhere I begun to suffer from sinus issues, congestion, nasal drainage, throat irritation.. in the last few months the nasal congestion to the point of making it a little difficult to breath, stomach issues became more often like pain even after going, tingling on one leg, poking like feeling on top of head, neck muscle discomfort, back pain, dry eyes, joint and muscle pain, some lack of sleep and since a few days ago throat itch and chest like poking discomfort. thanks to these comments I too don’t feel so uneased. I will be 50 in about 2 months.

      Ira / (in reply to Annie) Reply
      • Omg yes had all if these including the sinus issues never related them to menapause..😐

        kay miller / (in reply to Ira) Reply
      • Thank you for sharing…I thought I was going crazy about the congestion but I really thought they were related. When I take pepcid ac it goes away.

        Tonya / (in reply to Ira) Reply
    • At 50, going through menopause is a jab punch to the throat after having 4 children. It’s like 40 days in the desert, full of suffering to emerge changed. All I can say fellow females is MACA ROOT. Maca maca maca!!! If your Dr and body agrees. Do some research before bringing to your Dr. This time in our lives requires us to be proactive or you’ll be prescribed things… Where the cure is worse than the disease like gabapentin for god’s sake. Good luck everyone ND so glad to find this forum.


      Jennifer Mccallian / (in reply to Annie) Reply
    • Hi. Sorry to bother you. I just wondered if you found anything to help your sinus/congestion etc in perimenopause? It’s become an issue for me and reassuring I’m not alone. Kindest regards x

      Lynne / (in reply to Annie) Reply
  20. hi again, following on from my previous post,I should add that iv had some good times in my life +some great
    memories +I didnt think of these bad thoughts +bad people+bad happenings quite so often.I thought Iwas
    coping quite well, But since meno Its almost
    impossible to think of the few good times, I constantly think of the bad ,I ruminate constantly ,thinking
    what I couldve done differently to prevent girls murder. Ive heard its norrmal for all meno women with bad traumas
    , its normal for all those traumas ,etc, to resurface with a vengeance? Am I even normal. x

    Matina / Reply
  21. Hi. Ladies. I thought i was coping as well as can be reg my bad childhood, ie,violence,abuse,waking up ams wandering whether mumstill alive.
    +reg so called friends that betrayed me +the WORST possible a normal human can experience, my teen daughter missing 6 weeks, being found
    dead +ID by teeth. killed by a non human monster 14 years ago. now late meno,at age 59 +6 months was my last period.im now 61 +the last 6 months
    are so horredous.suicidal thoughts on waking +how i will do it,but thinking of my son stops me.i cant do that to him. binge drinking 2-3 times wkly
    (i must not do it every day,i must not let myself die,my son) binge eating at times,but fortunately i really force myself to walk/cycle at least
    alternate days +ive never been overweight. SHEER PANIC ATTACKS at the level crossing,waiting to cross,people have been killed
    on them .my partner nearly got knocked over twice,car stopped jus in time! HATING people in shops buses,jobsworth bus driver
    nearly caused me to attack her verbally yesterday but i calmly put another £1 in the payslot after she d embarrased me by calling me over
    to discuss a short fare!are some peoples lives so sad they can worry about £1? ive known apprx 8 aquaintances get killed
    on roads, known 4 to kill themselves ,known several that died with cancer.im scared to get in a car for long distance.
    my partner has NUMEROUS long term health probs requiring 3x weekly hosp appointments. he gets on my nerves at times
    +i fantasise about living alone +shutting out the world +not seeing any1 ,but hes kind mostly. im hot flushing right now.
    i cant take hrt ,had masectomy +implant oct 2020 in l breast +r breast may be at risk from non invasive cancer(DCIS)
    it can spread into main tissue,.wont take antidrepressants as worried reg side effects+the 1st lot of antidi I had
    after girls death ,the lady doc says yes you can drink alcohol,just means you get drunk more quicker! i only took for few
    months,no difference made to me +the 2nd lot of antid i got offered 1 year ag it said clearly on packet NO ALCOHOL, so its a bit
    confusing. anyway i didnt bother taking them. Theres no hope for me. thanks for reading x

    Matina / Reply
    • Hello Matina,
      We are very sorry to read that you are coping with such a lot, and we hear your anguish. You may already know about these, but here are some possible sources of support:
      You can contact the Samaritans (by phone or email) here: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ They are a listening service.
      The Samaritans also have a list of various organisations that may be able to offer support or advice: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/
      You may also find assistance through The Compassionate Friends, which provides support for bereaved parents and families: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/ftb-murder-or-manslaughter/ as well as Support After Murder and Manslaughter (SAMM): https://www.samm.org.uk/
      Wishing you all the very best, take care.
      Selena and Sarah (Editors)

      Sarah Chapman / (in reply to Matina) Reply
      • thank you, Selina +Sara, thats all helpful to knowx Matina

        Matina / (in reply to Sarah Chapman) Reply
      • Sarah – just wondering why when you post a comment it doesn’t show up? I put my initials in the name box and my email address. Don’t have a clue what the WEB box is for and then click on Post Comment.

        BMF / (in reply to Sarah Chapman) Reply
        • Hi, comments have to be seen by the Editors before they are made visible, as we don’t publish comments commercial links, for example. We now have a note at the bottom of blogs to make it clear what doesn’t get published, but perhaps we should add something so it’s clear that comments won’t be visible immediately. Thanks for raising this. Hopefully you can now see yours.
          Best wishes,
          Sarah [Editor]

          Sarah Chapman / (in reply to BMF) Reply
          • Hi I’ve just found this site after having a major melt down this morning,, feeling like I’m losing my mind,, I’m 52 years old and started getting hot flashes at 45, leaving me feeling drained but nothing I cundt handle I used the lady magnet for about 2years that did help but found that I was sticking to the kitchen sink,, my party piece was sticking spoons to it !!!!! I then went in HRT and just like that the hot flashes went ,, my body aches my joints hurt mostly my neck and shoulders and my knees crack, I sleep well thank god!! I wake about 4am in the morning worrying about everything and get anxious, I find that drinking water really helps! I get really irritated and often think I could just walk out of my job! Some weeks are fine and I feel fine, but then other times I just don’t feel me anymore I’ve put on weight but I do love my food!! But this weekend I feel like everything is coming down on me and I carnt cope having a good cry helps, I’m still having periods, but get period pains and back ache and I’m not even due on. Ive noticed I’ve started to get cramps in my stomach not sure if that’s stress! I’m just fed up dies this get any easier!

            Julie / (in reply to Sarah Chapman)
    • Hi Matina. So very sorry for your awful loss. There are no words to comfort you after what you have suffered through your daughter’s murder. You said that you don’t know if antidepressants can help? I take one, Mirtazapine at 45mg daily and drink 1 x peach schnapps and coke each night. That particular one is the best I ever had, no side effects except weight gain ( which if you walk and eat good probably may not happen to you ). Maybe give it a try? I tried prozac and sertaline and celexa before, none as good for me as mirtazapine. Sometimes you need to try a few before doc’s give atypical ( less prescribed ones ). Mirtazapine has a sleep bonus too. Sending kindness in your pain. Debbie.

      debbie / (in reply to Matina) Reply
  22. perfectly said. That is me 100%. My husband is very understanding as our my friends,
    Emotional stress, depression, skipping meals, alcohol, changes in sleep patterns, and taking too much medication. It can also trigger a Headache.

    Toni mischeff / Reply
  23. Thank you so much for this article. Sometimes I feel so alone with this and feel like I am the only one. I feel so unwell most days. I only have a few days a month where I feel “normal”. Anxiety and feeling unwell is blighting my life and I feel that the best years of my life are being wasted in this turmoil of endless feelings. I never expected menopause to be as horrific as it is. I am 2 years on HRT and still don’t feel wonderful but I hang on to the hope that one day the old me will return.

    sue / Reply
    • thank you for sharing Sue. I am 49 and have been feeling anxious for at least year. I try to talk myself out of it, have spoken to my doctor about my feelings and all with no solution. My doctor said my hormones levels are normal. I hate feeling like everything is spinning out of control and feeling sad and like their is a weight on my on a regular basis. Have you found anything that helps?

      catherine / (in reply to sue) Reply
      • Catherine – I totally understand your pain. Curious, did your doctor actually do any tests? I was using bioidentical Progesterone hormone therapy, not because they were bioidentical, but because the doctor (male) was willing to help me. Google menopause doctors in your area. It made a world of difference for me. Are you in the UK or US?

        BMF / (in reply to catherine) Reply
    • When I started reading your post I actually thought at first it was a post that I had written! The only difference is, I’m not taking HRT. I’m 56 and never thought my 50s would turn me in to a completely unwell person. I’m a year without my period now so was hoping I’d start feeling normal, but it just doesn’t want to let up. Four years ago I had every test/scan there was, saw every specialist I could, nothing was found, but I still have the feeling like someone missed something and I’m actually dying of some dreadful disease. Just horrible.

      Sue Armbruster / (in reply to sue) Reply
  24. The post is written in a very good manner and it entails much useful information for me. I am happy to find your distinguished way of writing the post. Thanks for this awesome post. It is extremely helpful for me.

    Hammerofthor / Reply
  25. Thank you for writing this. I’m passing through the menopause border and nausea is the biggest beast I’m fighting. Just hearing that someone else had similar issues made me feel less unhinged. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Sarah / Reply
    • Thank you for sharing very helpful asian a woman at age 45 black now entering this stand of live I think. Not diagnosed yet but I know my body. Thank you ma’am

      Nichole Simmons / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
  26. Good Group for women going thur menopause, I’m going thy r out also right now I have left shoulder burning sensations weird feelings in left breast and the list goes on and on ,I’m 56 now.

    Totlyn Bowman / Reply
    • Omg l have left back shoulder pain too . Lightheaded . Weight gain,pain in my ankles early morning and the hot flashes

      Tammy Jay / (in reply to Totlyn Bowman) Reply
      • well, guess its good to know that horrid left shoulder pain I’ve been having is normal..

        just awful! disrupts sleep constantly & leads to even more headaches:| ugg

        Annie / (in reply to Tammy Jay) Reply
      • March 2021
        I am 48 in May, I have been experiencing symptoms for the past couple of years. Hot flushes, trouble sleeping, I have the horrendous pain in my back left shoulder too. Irrational mood swings, irregular periods sometimes nothing for months then bleeding constantly for weeks. I cant tolerate certain foods, I have terrible paranoia that i smell bad. Shut off family cant tolerate them, working is a nightmare active on my feet all day, shattered at home falling asleep by 7 on sofa wake up to go to bed about 9 then constantly awake my “on” switch is about 3 or 4 am. Good thing is my sex drive has never been better, i want it all the time and i have not experienced dryness down there. I do have dry eye and dry mouth though. Everything gets on my nerves, I offend everyone when I talk to them as I constantly say the wrong thing or so I think. Getting really really fed up with this everything is a chore. I dont smoke I dont drink alcohol i drink pints and pints of water everyday(dry mouth) i have constant diarrhoea too. I dont eat dairy or red meat, i try to exercise when i can but i am on my feet all day with my job(busy chef)I take agnus castus which does help with most of the hot flushes, I just want this all to end! X

        Freda Betts / (in reply to Tammy Jay) Reply
        • Anxiety , heart pvcs , jittery , nausea dizziness ect … as soon as I wake up in the morning , nobody knows what’s going on with me they all think I’m making this up in my head . Ow bleeding for 2 weeks + , hot flashes and totally feeling out of it …
          Now reading all you guys symptoms and problems I’m feeling not so stressed out since I’m not alone any more with all these troubles . Why does nobody writes about this . Everything about menopause that you’re reading books and magazines hot flashes of weight gain but nothing like we all experience. Everybody is different so I imagine the doctors should take this a little bit more serious and educate us a little better so we know what can come our way. I think my anxiety gets the better of me since I’ve always been extremely anxious and have panic attacks this takes it to the hilt but all the symptoms that I feel. Thank you for sharing and I hope you guys find some relief and maybe share that as well

          Christine / (in reply to Freda Betts) Reply
    • Hi there, thank you for sharing. I get a burning sensation too, but in my right shoulder which spreads round to my chest at the front. My worst symptoms are my anxiety, morbid thoughts, depression, wanting to give up my job. This is horrendous.

      Sheena / (in reply to Totlyn Bowman) Reply
  27. Turning 45 in February. My symptoms started this year. Horrible headaches,brain fog. I have also had major digestive upset. Muscle and joint pain.The most recent symptom is insane itchy skin and dryness. I thought I was going crazy. My body has not felt like my own for sometime but I am very certain I am in perimenopause. I’m very lucky to have an understanding husband who I can talk to about all of this so he can understand what is happening to me. Started antidepressants this year which has helped significantly with the anxiety which kept me wound so tight. No night sweats yet….it’s going to be a trying next few years that’s for sure but I am hoping that now I can name it I can do this!!!

    Sammi Huxley / Reply
    • I am having the same symptoms and I do have the flushes also I can’t sleep till I’m dead tired. K have joint pain but I still have my period. No weight gain good eating habits but great upset stomach and lots of anxiety.. Thanks for sharing

      Nichole Simmons / (in reply to Sammi Huxley) Reply
    • Anxiety makes me feel like am running mad, with lightheadness dry mouth and mood swings. Am glad am not alone. Half of day am feel sick.

      Maria Ongeche / (in reply to Sammi Huxley) Reply
    • Can I ask what antidepressant you were prescribed

      Linda / (in reply to Sammi Huxley) Reply
    • Hi Sammy,

      It really resonates with me what you are writing. Fortunately, I have a very supportive and understanding husband as well, however he sometimes gets “weary” when a new symptom freaks me out. It is sometimes truly frightening for me that I can be okay for days and then, out of the blue something occurs that I have never experienced before. Around New Year’s Eve it was an upset stomach, nausea, total loss of appetite, waking up with palpitations at night. Then it was thrush – never had it before-, urinary infection and lately it is brain fog, crying spells, waves of anxiety, being detached from myself. I do my best to tell myself that it is all part of perimenopause, but sometimes it is really hard. Anyway, reading all these stories, at least I know that I am not alone with this.

      Zsuzsanna / (in reply to Sammi Huxley) Reply
  28. Professor June
    Thanks for a great article.
    I got the Mirena IUD ( progesterone based not estrogen) because I started with irregular periods and I’m a big baby and didn’t want to suffer thru the bleeding through my pants anymore. So far it’s been a godsend. It must be close to needing to be changed because after many years, and on the cusp of my 50th birthday, I started night sweats, not sleeping, irritability, bloating, forgetfulness, ect. Ahh the joys of womanhood. Woman all over the world are 1 village and we can know in our hearts that yes we are not alone, yes we all have some form of the same journey, if not exactly the same, and yes we are stronger for making it through to the other side, even if our hormones make us feel all alone and going crazy and be not so rational that this to is just a small blimp in life. #WomenRock

    Dana / Reply
    • I have all above the one thing that scares me is the weakness that just comes on , I’ve no power in my arms and top of legs feel like they are just going to give at any time is this normal for menopause thank you

      Karen / (in reply to Dana) Reply
  29. hi, my peri menopause started when I was 49 out of no where, I was anxious for no reason, I would burst into to tears with no warning, my doctors gave me antidepressants, even tho I was happy and explained to him at great length, they made me feel suicidal after only taking 3, I stopped them and after about a year of feeling like I was going mad, I went to a menopause specialist who prescribed me HRT, with in days I started to feel better, sore joints went away completely, anxiety levels more than halved, no more sleepless nights, itchy dry skin gone, I still have symptoms but none of them as severe, HRT gave me my life back.

    Gail / Reply
    • Good morning Gail. I have been sat here looking at my HRT tablets which I have had for a couple of months. (having major flush at this moment phew!!!) that was a big one. Been very unsure. After reading your post have now taken my first. I have changed my diet. So so hungry all the time eat to the point of feeling ill so the diet change was awful so obviously didn’t work. 😣. I have had the most awful anxiety attacks. Crying, paranoid, hot all the time as well as long flushes on top of that to the point of close to fainting. Restless sleep to wanting to sleep all the time. No energy. Joints hurt. Don’t like or tolerate people. Itchy dry eyes as well as other dry areas. I have had terrible skin conditions acne on my face after having amazing skin all my life. Now rash all over feet. Itchy all over. Dizzy in the last two weeks. Although on a good note my hair has thickened 🤔. So after reading about you and writing all this down I guess it’s time to give in and take the pills. It’s made me cry. Oh dear what’s happening am I going mad. I’m now laughing at it all.
      Thank you

      Sharon Hopkins / (in reply to Gail) Reply
      • Hi Sharon. I’m Tarleah . I’m nearly 53 and I’ve not had a period for 2+1/2 years now. During peri menapause it was more irritability mood swings tiredness severe severe migrianes. In the last 6 months its the 10 Jan 2021 I’ve noticed my sweating through the day is horrendous. It pours off me I feel faint nauseas I get heart palpatations and feel absolutely disgusting. The night SWEATS are very mild. Its the sweating during the day that is ruining my life. It’s getting worse not better so I wonder if there’s an underlying condition. I’ve been told not to go on hrt as cancer runs high in our family and I’m prone to stroke. If this is a menapause symptom I think I’m going to go crazy. Bty like you my hair grew fast and thick like my waistline and butt. I’ve no idea what to do. I’m so desperate the sweating is so bad especially if stressed I’m ready to take her and risk it. I’m over it. I’m hope your hrt works for you. I honestly do. I wouldn’t wish this in my worst enemy. Best of luck.

        Tarleah hynes / (in reply to Sharon Hopkins) Reply
        • March 2021
          I am 48 in May, I have been experiencing symptoms for the past couple of years. Hot flushes, trouble sleeping, I have the horrendous pain in my back left shoulder too. Irrational mood swings, irregular periods sometimes nothing for months then bleeding constantly for weeks. I cant tolerate certain foods, I have terrible paranoia that i smell bad. Shut off family cant tolerate them, working is a nightmare active on my feet all day, shattered at home falling asleep by 7 on sofa wake up to go to bed about 9 then constantly awake my “on” switch is about 3 or 4 am. Good thing is my sex drive has never been better, i want it all the time and i have not experienced dryness down there. I do have dry eye and dry mouth though. Everything gets on my nerves, I offend everyone when I talk to them as I constantly say the wrong thing or so I think. Getting really really fed up with this everything is a chore. I dont smoke I dont drink alcohol i drink pints and pints of water everyday(dry mouth) i have constant diarrhoea too. I dont eat dairy or red meat, i try to exercise when i can but i am on my feet all day with my job(busy chef)I take agnus castus which does help with most of the hot flushes, I am on propranolol any way for Migraines which was keeping them under controI, but now they have spiraled out of control again despite useless doctors upping my dose to 4 times a day. They fob me off everytime I see them even though I have been in despair. I also have anxiety and ocd, I never had all this before i just want this all to end

          Freda Betts / (in reply to Tarleah hynes) Reply
    • Hi Gail,

      I’m curious which type of HRT you are taking? I’ve tried so many different things but seem to have bad reactions to most all of them😔. I’ve had a terrible time with peri and menopause not finding much relief at all. Too me it feels like I had a lobotomy😳. Ok thanks

      Rocky / (in reply to Gail) Reply
  30. Most women are being fobbed off with placebos. I visited the practice gynaecologist with insomnia, depression, anxiety, vaginal atrophy, poor libido, emotional numbness, receding gums, urinary incontinence and apathy.
    I was told to take vitamins. She also wrote no HRT in my notes for added spite. I was unimpressed as was my husband. He hauled me out of the surgery, took me home, and told me to pick the best specialist money could buy.
    For the best part of a month I procrastinated and gradually grew worse.
    Each night I woke at 2 am and could not return to sleep. My days were spent in bd crying endlessly. I had no idea how to stop the torrent of horror.
    Eventually the concern on my husband’s face spurred me into action. I telephoned a specialist. I was prescribed estradiol, progesterone and testosterone. The doctor was amazed when my hormone levels appeared quite normal. I had not missed any periods.
    I was placed on a very low dose of hormones. Within a fortnight I felt better. At that point I was 47. I still use hormones aged sixty. The dose has been titrated up, I still have several periods a year. Late menopause runs in my family.
    Menopause is horrific. It is a disgrace that women are left to suffer. A relative of mine by marriage died when menopause proved too much. Her husband arrived home to find she had gassed herself and child.
    My specialist says doctors get twenty minutes about menopause in medical school. He says I know more about hormones than the majority of his colleagues.
    I urge every woman not to suck it up and to challenge nay sayers. You would not ignore a thyroid hormone deficiency, do not allow any doctor to just refuse you HRT. As for the scare stories 23/1000 non users got breast cancer. 24/1000 users got breast cancer.
    The studies were badly interpreted and Professor Langer wrote a paper correcting it. The media ignored the good news.

    Louise / Reply
    • I too have been suffering like you but from the age of 38 (I am now 64) at 38 l got all the symptoms you describe except for the hot flushes (they started when l stopped my periods at 50) l did not want to go on HRT deciding to try the natural method for the flushes and for a good 10yrs this kept them at bay now at 64 l am getting really bad flushes just out of the blue but the most upsetting for me in all of this is the other symptoms, mood swings, not sleeping, headaches, severe pains in my chest radiating to my back(turns out this is acid reflux) lack of libdo. 2yrs ago l approached my GP during a battery of tests at various departments at 3 local hospitals to ask (out of desperation for HRT only to be told l am too old to go on it) so l came away thinking this is going to be my life from now on not understanding how l have come to this and not knowing /realising its all down to the menopause. It may be worth mentioning for some of the other ladies out there that l was sterilised after my 2nd child (which l dont think helped) and l started my periods at the age of 10 and they were very heavy with extreme stomach cramps at times l was driven home from school by one of the teachers it was so bad.

      Anna Josehine / (in reply to Louise) Reply
  31. This has been a really helpful start and signpost to more information, thank you.
    After months of watching my wife struggle and hearing her repeat to me “you don’t understand what it’s like”, this has allowed me to begin an understanding and better support her.
    When she wakes in the morning and shuffles around groaning and flexing and struggling and there’s little I can do. When mid-sentence she forgets what’s she was saying and her eyes seem to scream out in fear of why it’s happening; “OMG, is this the start of dementia?”. When she falls asleep as we begin watching a movie, she stares into space like a zombie and I ask her to share her thoughts and she realises she was devoid of any, confusion, lack of energy, unable to concentrate, the list goes on and she looks so tired, so scared and there’s so little I can do to help.
    I’m going to share this with my friends, thank you.

    Jeff / Reply
    • Dear Jeff,
      We’re so glad this is helpful and thank you for sharing it. It’s clear from all the comments that so many people are struggling with an array of menopause symptoms and many feeling poorly informed and very alone – or helpless watching someone close to them go through it.
      Sending you both (and everyone here) very best wishes,
      Sarah Chapman [Editor]

      Sarah Chapman / (in reply to Jeff) Reply
    • It will pass – she will come back to a recognisable loved one at some point! I was the same- and 4 years later feel better than ever. Hang in there Jeff –

      Alexia sporidis / (in reply to Jeff) Reply
    • Your a great husband and I understand so much your wife’s pain. It’s horrific and not many people get it except for us going through it trying to cope .

      Tarleah hynes / (in reply to Jeff) Reply
  32. I started going through perimenopause almost as soon as I turned 40. In the last two years I’ve been thinking I’ve lost my mind. About 7 years ago I had a hysterectomy but kept my ovaries. So I have no way to know when my phantom period is happening. But I know that once a month for about a week I begin the climb of crazy mountain. The peak (in the middle of said week) is the worst when I have a complete emotional break down and want to end my life, ( usually over something that triggered me that was of little significance compared to the reaction it brought) the days that follow are smothered in depression. I am very fortunate to have someone there who helps me “come back” and to remember the person that I am. One thing I have found to be helpful is the vitamins I take. These are the only ones I have experienced an increase in energy and a bit of stability in mood swings. ( Naturelo 1 a day women’s and Naturelo B12 with spirulina) and not eating flour or sugar. I eat gluten free and substitute agave nectar, honey or organic stevia for regular sugar. This has stopped my hot flashes. No joke. I was having about 20 a day. Which is debilitating when you live in the tropics at 98F degree constant weather.
    I can’t exactly say if it’s the vitamins that stopped the hot flashes or the diet change. I am unwilling to experiment to find out for sure. All I know is those things I am doing now are working better than before I started being consistent in them. I am still however looking for a natural way to level my monthly mountain climb. I can handle the climb and the descent, it’s reaching the peak that scares me. I’ve been looking for a natural solution desperately to help even that out. I hope some of this can help someone struggling through this like I am. If we all compare notes I bet we can get there! Isn’t it strange how menopause is the complete opposite of how it used to be over 50 years ago?! I think pesticides and preservatives are ruining us. God bless you all. Remember you are beautiful and menopause does not define the person you were created to be.

    DanielleR / Reply
    • So I’ll be 59 in November and had a partial hysterectomy in my early 40s. So I also don’t have periods so I can’t rely on that sign :/. I have been experiencing sleep problems, anxiety and lately dizziness and shortness of breath (I’m hoping that’s due to anxiety). Anyone else have shortness of breath?? Thanks!

      Julie smale / (in reply to DanielleR) Reply
      • Same! 55–sleep (harder to fall asleep and waking up at 3:30, can fall back to sleep but takes me a bit), anxiety (have had some anxiety but never this feeling in my chest–changed from coffee to no caffeine tea, which helped but miss the coffee) and shortness of breath randomly, with nausea randomly.

        Marsha / (in reply to Julie smale) Reply
      • Yes the shortness of breath comes with the flush

        Shell / (in reply to Julie smale) Reply
    • I suffered for three months with shortness of breath. I thought I was crazy and had a battery of tests to make sure it was not my lungs or cardiac related. I am 51 and have now went 5 months with no period. I exercise and eat right and limit sugar. Things are better and now I have muscle aches and pains but the ability to breath normal is a relief. A very low dose antidepressant was helpful for a few months.

      shelly merrittallende / (in reply to DanielleR) Reply
  33. I’m crying as I write this… I had no idea that the things I have been suffering through were things anyone else had gone through with menopause. It’s been about a year and a half since peri menopause started. I will be 48 in a few months. The stabbing cramps that level me, the fatigue, the inability to sleep, the lack of sex drive… and the newest is dizziness with nausea, and lack of appetite. The aches and pains I thought were just old age. Now I know it’s not just me. I’m not alone. I’m not crazy. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I hope we all make it out the other side… hugs to all 💜

    Michelle / Reply
    • This is exactly what I’m experiencing. I haven’t slept in days. No appetite..losing weight. Feel weak quite often. I have joint pain. Especially the wrist..pins and needles. Crawling sensation on my back. No sexual desire. I feel as if I’m losing my mind at times. I do hope you are feeling better.

      Carol Carlisle / (in reply to Michelle) Reply
      • Oh my goodness this is me to a t right down to the crawling sensation on my back, and the weight loss. Puts my mind at ease that others have similar symptoms and it’s not just me.Thanks for sharing

        Chris / (in reply to Carol Carlisle) Reply
    • ♥️

      Sarah / (in reply to Michelle) Reply
    • I’m 57 and in post menopause (one full year without my period as of sept 2020. In sept I got the flu shot and 4 days later had a bad back pain.
      After an mri I found out I had spondylolethesis (a vertebrae slippped forward )& lumbar stenosis . Then I got vertigo & an ear infection . In the middle of all this I began experiencing terrible nervousness and anxiety. So now I was dizzy & off balance and had anxiety . I cry a lot too . I just do not feel well over all. I started having tingling arms & legs for which they gave me gabapentin which they said would help with the tingling which then may alleviate the anxiety . It’s helped but not 100%. I felt that the flu shot created an inflammatory reaction in my body and being in menopause was the perfect storm . I also found out from my mri that I have a thyroid cyst and nodule that looks ok but it’s suggested to re check it in six months . The tingling arms & legs and sensation is what’s bothering me the most and creates anxiety and worry . I need to have further testing to rule out other things . If anyone else has had anything similar I’d love to know as it may give me some hope.I also have joint pain .I’m a late menopause woman , 57? Isn’t this late ? I sometimes feel like I’m going nuts . Do you ever get back to feeling like the old you ? I’d love to know of other woman’s experiences with this in detail .

      Carolyn / (in reply to Michelle) Reply
      • Hello Carolyn
        I have seen three separate Neurologists over the last 2 & half years. My symptoms came on suddenly, dizziness, tingling in legs, head with a general feeling of being unwell. I have had so many tests and have been reassured there is nothing neurologically going on thankfully. I then went on to have night sweats, muscle aches and other symptoms so decided based on my age ( 52) would go on HRT 18 months ago. Many symptoms have improved with the HRT but even today all this time later, my legs ache and tingle & I have aching muscles and I still dont feel right in myself. I feel better in the sense my anxiety is less because I have been so worried this isnt my menopause. But having been put through so many tests and nothing is found I have to go with this answer . I really hope this makes you feel you are not alone & the only one suffering with these weird sensations in your legs and arms. I certainly have them :-(( all the best

        Maggie / (in reply to Carolyn) Reply
        • Thank you so much for your helpful response ! No one can even imagine what it’s like unless they have experienced this . Hearing from other woman helps. The tingling is unnerving , I am at a loss and most web sites do not mention that as a symptom ,all that’s mostly mentioned are hot flashes . I am going for an epidural shot in my back c5/c6 , I’m hoping that helps if it doesn’t I will consider HRT, that scares me tho due to the Breast cancer risks . My gynecologist said to try it for few a few months to see if it helps . If any one else has tingling and anxiety I’d love to hear your experience with this . I wish woman who have gone well past menopause would write in. That would give much insight to many of us .

          Carolyn / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
    • Wow! It is comforting to read these comments. There is so little information on other menopause symptoms like nausea, dizziness, headaches. Glad I found this page, honestly thought I was alone.

      Terrell / (in reply to Michelle) Reply
  34. To all the people who have been suffering, I am so sorry, cause it’s so awful and life ruining. My partner left me a month ago due to my moods. I’m starting HRT today, cause I have been having the symptoms everyone is speaking of, for seven years. Maybe me saying seven years will make people who had it for two years or 18 months feel a little more lucky(?). I have thought of suicide many times. The rage I get is horrendous, and the absolute dread and fear I get before a hot flush is debilitating. If women want a herbal alternative, Shatavari helps. I stopped it due to it being asparagus root, which leads to an unpleasant smell. If I didn’t have a partner I would’ve stayed on it. But after seven years on the other side of menopause (I was in peri for six years), I’m done. If it was just a sweat, I wouldn’t care. It’s the crying and panic that comes with it. I was hanging out the washing the other day, listening to music, felt ok, then out of nowhere I had a feeling that would be justified if a burglar appeared with a knife. Can menopause ruin your life? Short answer, yes. I went into peri in my early 30’s, menopause at 38. I am now almost 45 years old. Anyway, I’m off to get HRT and hope for the best. I’m already a chronic migraine sufferer and have been since I was 11, so I’m praying it doesn’t make them so much worse, cause weekly or more often is enough. Good luck ladies. What a rough ride.

    Rachael / Reply
    • Hi Rachael, I just turned 50 August 5, and I started with menopausal symptoms within the last 6months. When I read your story and you discussed your feeling before a hot flash of absolute dread, is how I feel. Its is awful. When I explain to people this sense of doom and dread I feel right before a hot flash no one has every said that is a common symptom ! I feel like I’m on a island by myself. I finally looked it up and it is called an Aura. Harvard research is the only evidence based information that I have found that includes my feelings of dread and doom, anxiety, heart palpitations/flutters, hot flash, night sweats, insomnia, sadness weight gain and the list goes on. No one talks about it, there’s no support! So everyday I fumble through feeling totally unhinged or pending doom.

      Jennifer / (in reply to Rachael) Reply
    • Reading this article along with all the comments just makes me want to cry. I turn 55 in a week and menopause has literally been a nightmare for me. I lost my job, I lost the man in my life that had been there for years, I lost my home and completely alienated most of my family but more importantly, my only child. I felt so helpless and depressed, I wanted to die. I was driving one day on the phone with my BFF, sobbing, telling her how horrible I felt and how I was sure I was losing my mind when a light bulb went off in my head. A handful of years ago I remembered my doctor telling me I was very early pre-menopause. I thought nothing of it and went on about my business. Years later, everything blew up and there i was. So off I went to a homeopathic doctor and when he sat down with me and the results from my blood work I wasn’t sure what to even think. He told me that I had absolutely zero ability to feel sain at this time and that in all his years of dealing with blood tests, he had never seen one so bad. Lucky me. I had such low levels of hormones that one wasn’t detectable at all and the other 2 were dangerously low. He also told me I had hypothyroidism (mimicking symptoms of menopause) and that I was a walking ticking time bomb for a heart attack. Lovely. My mom had similar issues, didn’t address them and died of a heart attack at 50. I felt scared and alone. Not one person from my family would listen to me let alone try to understand what I was going through, they were all convinced I was just crazy at this point so I spent many months literally sobbing and wanting to jump off a cliff. If it wasn’t for my dogs I might have. I went through all the bioidentical hormone therapy and I felt a lot better, but it was very expensive and after just 6 months, I had to stop. The nightmare began all over again and I had no choice but to suffer. I also felt abandoned by the people I loved and that was painful. I was good at pretending in public because that was all I had but when I would get back home, alone, it was horrible. 4 years later, today, I am actually feeling better and I am on the way to healing but it’s been a slow process. My daughter is still holding everything against me from that time period when I wasn’t myself and still, she really doesn’t want to listen or try to understand it even still. How long do I have to suffer over this because it’s been several years already? I still have minor symptoms but at a much more manageable level but I still feel lost because the one thing I desperately need repaired, isn’t happening. This article is great because I can read and know there are others out there but I’m still at a loss about what to do. The repercussions don’t seem to end. Any suggestions?

      Terri Shahan / (in reply to Rachael) Reply
      • Oh Terri, I feel your pain. I am 51 , post menopausal. I started hating every day of life about 6 months into menopause… I had lost my job that I loved, my friends from work. And worst of all, and this sounds really awful that I am a bad person, but losing my looks has been the hardest thing. I WAS a beautiful woman, looked like a Victoria Secret angel most my life… well til about 48 that’s when stuff started changing. Now I can hardly stand to look in the mirror , it makes me too sad. My husband gets mad when I complain about how I look , he says its not important to him….I just am glad to see Im not the only one… I am not crazy, just suffering. No one even mentions or doctors don’t even seem to care, make light of my complaints. My breasts have literally moved into my armpits , my upper arms are huge, and gut like I’m pregnant on the rest of a body that’s normal size, I look like a freak and nothing fits right. Al they say is eat veggies and fruits, I’ve been doing that forever. It don’t change shit! and doctor could care less… sorry Im just soo frustrated and feel like an invisible woman , no one sees me, or hears me.

        Gigi / (in reply to Terri Shahan) Reply
        • No apology necessary GiGi, I get you. I went through all of that. Still am on some of it but to a better degree, I still have my days though. It’s like the nightmare that won’t stop. At least now I can identify with what is happening and real it in some. It sucks, because nobody does see or hear you. They think it’s a figment of your imagination and unless they can put themselves in your shoes exactly, they will never get it. Hopefully they won’t think you’re on drugs or something like my family did. My daughter even called me toxic, so she still has no kind of empathy to the situation. Nobody is going to see you or hear you so don’t expect them to or you will only feel brokenhearted when they don’t. I have never felt more alone and not one person from my family even called to check on me to see if was okay, just assumed I was off on some binge somewhere. I’m not mad, I’m heartbroken. A binge would have been fun at least, I would wish this on my worst enemy. I wanted to die people. My aunt tells me to just be happy, I wish it were that easy, I really do. The very worst part is that I took my daughter to the doctor with me so he could tell her how bad it was, and she still didn’t care. Still doesn’t. Apparently she wants a mom who is okay. Unfortunately, I am not okay, I’m getting there, but I am not okay yet. And anything I have done or said for several years, was not controllable,
          Only fueled by insensitivity. Why is that so hard to understand? I recently moved and ran across a box of things that I saved and in it was a mother’s day card from my daughter approximately 7 years ago. She thanked me for all I do, told me I was the best! Now she doesn’t even acknowledge me on mother’s day. Or any other day, for that matter. So turn your back on me, as if that helps. Like my menopause cancels out everything I have done up until that point. I sat with that card in my hand and cried my eyes out. How’s that for support? I understand the looks part as well, been there too, I don’t even like being in pictures anymore and I still have a hard time going in public. I have heard of cases where women can suffer for 10 years, that doesn’t give me a lot of hope considering my doctor said my case was the worst he had ever seen. I have a couple friends I have known for a handful of years and a couple of girlfriends from highschool that have basically saved my life. One of them gets so mad about about my family because she has been here for me through it all and she knows. She asks me if I want her to call them, no I do not. Let them think what they want, I’m done caring and I am done trying to get them to hear me. They know where to find me. Tell me the last time a person on drugs had an ass the size of a barn. NEVER. Even my ex understands now because he got into health and hormones, so we are friends again. He probably knows me better than anyone and feels bad that I have gone through this alone. It’s been several years now, I’ve accepted that nobody gives a shit. Go ahead and ignore me, I’ll just stay here in my “toxic” world until this completely passes, but don’t expect me to be so forgiving when it does. Nobody has had to live this hell like I have, and it’s been anything but a picnic.The WORST case my doctor has ever seen. I’m ordering a copy of my file from my doctor today, and sending it to all of them. And yeah I am writing this today because I am disgusted about where they thought I was. Come on over, I invite you, look in every corner, you’ll find nothing but a very broken and sad me. My sister came over one day so hopefully she was able to see for herself. My aunt was here recently too, and I appreciate that but I wish it would have been sooner because I have been alone for too long. On holidays, on my birthday, alone and nobody has included me. It’s very simple, treat others how you would want to be treated.

          Terri Shahan / (in reply to Gigi) Reply
      • same. was skinny model+ skinny kid., 41 i went depression, peri-menopause. panic attacks,,angry, lost my identity, became self loathing
        . I started bio estrogen/progesterone
        and DHEA cream. HUGE difference. It took few yrs to get my wierd body “shape’ normal I am over 55 now.
        i ALSO suggest “B+ iron liquid suppliment, magnesium + melatolin
        no more booze ( GERD) I use Marijuana now, to calm nerves. I reset my GI ( sluggish) by fasting 3 full days.
        i lost weight 2 meal plan liquid diet ( to clean my gut) , keto, and normal gym exercise, no eating after 5pm. It took long time, but it “stuck”. now i can
        eat bread, pasta..my sex drive left me for 5+ yrs ( I KNOW)…..ug…it CAME BACK too. I don’t have partner, perhaps it would helped.
        don’t eat salads…it won’t work. Just find your burn point ( mine is HEAT) and circulation , and digestion being repaired. ( B 6 + fiber)

        anon / (in reply to Terri Shahan) Reply
  35. Just found this site today. It describes me! I thought I was going crazy with the dizziness, needing to lie down, crying at drop of a hat etc etc. I am not alone! I’ve been calling this “The Nonsense” for years and thought I’d be done with it by now. I will be 59 in December, and last had a bleeding episode in Dec 2019. May 2019 was first one after none for 15 months. These other symptoms persist though. Doc has checked things out and all is good, but I hate never knowing how I’ll wind up feeling every day. Thank you for writing about this.

    Sharleen Dunfield / Reply
  36. I have just stumbled across this site and have read many of the comments. A hysto (still have my ovaries) years ago prevents me from using my periods or lack thereof as a yard stick for menopuase. I am 50 and I have had fibrocystic disease for years. My breasts are quite lumpy. I have all the regular testing as expected but have recently been experiencing unusal breast pain and what seems like pain in my chest area (almost seems muscular) only on my left side. My cysts seem quite tender but I feel more of an all over buring sensation at times that goes from my chest into my back. I began trying to dig into these odd symptoms and have consulted my Dr who has ordered mamography, etc. I have no other concerning symptoms that one might associate with more serious conditions of the breast. Is this something anyone else has experienced?

    Erin / Reply
    • Hiya Erin , I’m 51and I used to get so much pain in my left breast with the burning it was awful,try primrose oil it will help you,it did help me

      Diane / (in reply to Erin) Reply
    • I too have fibrocystic disease/dense breasts. And also the pain you describe up in to my chest area. I said the same thing, that it seems like muscular. My mammogram & ultrasound showed two complicated cysts this time around so going to see a surgeon for a consult in June. My breasts seem to get worse when all my other symptoms do too. I’m narrowing it down to unopposed estrogen floating around even though I’ve not had my period in over a year. Wondering if progesterone during these times might help.

      Sue / (in reply to Erin) Reply
  37. I read most of the comments. This blog is absolutely wonderful. Helps me understand my condition better and knowing that I am not struggling alone. I am 52 and have been struggling with most of the menopausal symptoms for almost 18 months. Dizziness is what plague me the most and gets me down. Strangle most of the ladies I know who are in the same demographic does not seem to suffer dizziness. They get the hot flashes and night sweats but not dizziness. For a while, I did not know what was happening to me. I am a relative active person and could not help feeling render motionless with dizziness. It really took away my lifestyle. The dizziness causes nausea. The same feeling I get during pregnancy but not pregnant, of course. For a start, I did not know what was happening, I saw a couple of doctors that could not tell what was wrong with me. Nausea is easily triggered too sour or too spicy food. I kept thinking I had the bad tummy flu that would not go away. Thinking I might have the H Pylori bacteria in my system and almost went for the test at the hospital. Hairs lacklustre, graying and falling. Skin dryer. Scars that take forever to fade away. Hot flashes and night sweat have become more frequent lately. Heart palpitation at each wave.

    I found a few methods to deal with these conditions. I practice yoga to calm and relax my mind and my body. I engage in moderate workout once or twice a day to get the heat out of the system before it rushes like volcano erupting. Deep breathing is the most amazing. IT can be practice any time of the day. It is the best way to orientate myself when my heart rate is racing. Big help with the dizziness. For the queasiness, I keep cracker handy to binge on. Avoiding oily, sour and spicy food as well when ever I get that sick feel.

    Sheena Gan / Reply
  38. Hi there from the Kootenays! You are good, I am just beginning this phase…on HRT and that is slowly helping a little. I do get the crying jags….and that feeling of tension…..wow this is a messsy time. I am a happy go lucky lady for the most part, so this a real test. We just have to know that this will end soon, and carry on I think. Hope you are feeling better!!

    Marni / Reply
  39. I thought it was all in my head, the dizziness,the ability to focus at times. I went into menapause a week after m 50th birthday, started HRT, then came off it a few years ago. For many years just had the odd hot flush, but have just turned 60 and it’s all come back with a vengence. I have recently lost weight , been walking most days, felt really good, Now all of a sudden legs feel like weights, feel tired, and dizzy. Had all the blood tests etc, no problem. Glad im not the only one.

    angela blackmore / Reply
  40. To all you lovely women who have commented on this blog – THANK YOU.
    When I wrote this in 2015, I had no idea it would still be being read and resonating with women 5 years later. I also spent quite a while making my mind up whether to share such a personal experience. I am so glad I did – if knowing that you are not alone has helped just one other woman, just one little bit, then it is so worthwhile. And to see so many of you posting and talking to each other about your experiences and supporting each other is a joy.
    I hope all of you find your way through, with or without medical help. Good luck.

    June Girvin / Reply
    • Thanks so much, Prof June. I’m 56, and started feeling the menopausal symptoms a few days to my 56th birthday. Sounds strange because it’s the very first time in my life I ever had mood swings, dizziness, hot flashes, etc. Interestingly, I’m 5 years post menopausal, having had my last period at the age of 51. I thought it was weird, and I’m not in control of my body anymore. I take soy and most symptoms have almost stopped, but the dizziness…I can’t get beyond it, and I have lost my self confidence. I’ve been weeping since morning, not sure what to do… The moodiness is back. Pls can I hear someone talk about me and to me? Pls!!!

      Zizidan1 / (in reply to June Girvin) Reply
    • Thank you Professor June I’m reading this and it’s 2023. This is the best article and forum so have found yet. It’s the only one I have found anyone even mentioning weird sensations in their body going on or ongoing tingling in their legs and feet , numbness in foot. I have been dealing with this issue for 8 months had tons of test, blood work seen all kinds of specialist and nothing found. I kept asking is this menopause doing this to me but when GP checks blood work she says no you’re not there yet. I’m shaking my head thinking what?I-have had many of the what they describe as the normal menopausal symptoms but this one keeps lingering. I’m 53 then lo and behold just recently had hormone blood work checked again but by gynecologist and she says you’re in menopause now. So I feel validation finally but now how do I get rid of this ongoing tingling. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you and thank you to everyone that’s shared their story. Yes they need more people more doctors to learn and specialize in menopause. Their failing half the population in the world. It’s inspired me to write a book or even get certified to help other woman.

      Lisa / (in reply to June Girvin) Reply
  41. I’ve just been tested twice for Covid but then started looking into menopause. I’m 55. Have very many fibroids. Bleed so heavily every 2 to 3 weeks and am constantly on iron tablets. The last 2 weeks I’ve had severe headaches, dizziness, racing heart on and off, tingling in my feet, aches in my hips, a bad stomach, tinnitus. Could it be that I am actually finally hitting my menopause?

    Andrea Watson / Reply
    • It sounds possible. Good luck with it! If you need help – insist on it.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Andrea Watson) Reply
    • I get pains in my hips, find it difficult to get out of bed. I am 51 and not had a period for 5 mths. Had blood tests and apparently they were in menopausal range. I also get pins and needles in my hands and feet especially in the mornings. I also suffer from fibroids, ovarian cysts and endometrial hyperplasia. I am always tired and get depressed regularly. I have had also parathyroid problems.

      Delyth / (in reply to Andrea Watson) Reply
    • I am 47 and for the last 7 months I had 3 bad episodes of dizziness, nausea and lightheadedness that last 2 to 3 weeks. I started to notice that they got worse during ovulation or before my period. After going to several doctors trying to find out what was happening to me, I was recently diagnosed with vestibular migraine that gets pretty bad during perimenopause. Unfortunately, many doctors don’t see the connection between perimenopause and vestibular migraine.
      It is real because I have been dealing with this for the last 7 months and it is awful. It affects me in all areas of my life when I get the bad episodes.

      Ana / (in reply to Andrea Watson) Reply
  42. Hi all, well these comments make me feel normal now. I am 52, and my whole world came crashing down just before I was 50. I had started to feel not myself just before the horrendous heavy bleedy started that made me anemic. I had just learnt I was pre diabetic, and I had a steroid injection to my hip after womb surgery to check for polyps. Then I suffered terrible fatigue, memory loss, dry eyes and skin. The aches and pains make me feel 90. I learnt I had arthritis too. Now I have been diagnosed with a balance disorder and chronic migraine. What happened to my normal life?…

    Lisa Coppini / Reply
    • I am 47 and haven’t had my period in 2 months yet the last few years I became anemic from such heavy periods. My tongue is always burning and my heart feels like I am getting an electric shock and have all of the other symptoms. I made a doctors appointment o check my heart is it common to have higher blood pressure and heart shocks from the drop
      In estrogen?

      Marcie Gall / (in reply to Lisa Coppini) Reply
  43. For 3-4 years now I have had perimenopausal symptoms. Random hot flashes, irregular cycles, skipping months at a time, followed by heavier periods, bladder issues, insomnia, anxiety, and feeling like I was going to lose my mind. At every annual gyn well visit, I’d mention these things and my dr would say the median age for menopause was 51 and say I wasn’t quite there yet. I was only 44/45 when all this began so she had me do an u/s looking for cysts. They found none. Not once did she ever test hormone levels to see what was going on. In April 2019, age 46, was my yearly visit and it was getting kind of bad, she told me if it got to where I couldn’t stand it, to come back. So I toughed it out. Most of the time I was fine but there were some rough patches. I saw her a few days ago, June 2020 and again talked about all these same symptoms. I’m now 47 yrs old. Hot flashes were pretty bad for a while. Insomnia is horrible. My period skipped Feb, March, April, and showed up the end of May. It was a bit heavier for 2 days but then was normal after that. Again, dr mentioned cysts and me coming back for an u/s (??) and said it could be my thyroid (had a total thyroidectomy years ago.) Then said we’ll check your hormone levels first but we’ll probably have you come in for an u/s because I bet you have a big old cyst. Almost like again she didn’t believe it couldn’t be menopause related. My Estradiol is <10 and FSH 74.47. The nurse called and emphasized "you ARE in menopause and you SHOULD. NOT. HAVE. ANY. MORE. PERIODS." It was almost as if they thought I made up the period in May?? I was put on progesterone to see if it helps. It may sound silly but I'm so lost and confused and so sad all at the same time. I didn't expect to feel so sad. I feel like I suffered through this perimenopause rollercoaster for years and my doctor totally missed that I was going through this change…if only she had run labs 2 years instead of blaming other issues. And then, even though the labs say so, am I truly in menopause because I just had a period 2 weeks ago!? Time will tell, I know…. but still so confused.

    JustMel / Reply
    • Time to find a new gyno! If I were you I would find someone willing to listen to you instead of thinking your body should operate the way she thinks it should. I switched within my clinic and my new dr was able to listen, run new tests, and figure out my issues quickly. You’re With the wrong person. Also, if they have one near you, I’d highly recommend finding someone who specializes in hormone replacement.

      Steph / (in reply to JustMel) Reply
      • I have most everything mentioned in every post. I even went to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. I don’t feel like myself and have massive anxiety, heart palpitations, dizziness, pins and needles in arm, confusion, sleep disorder….on and on. Thank you all for posting your experiences as I was not positive it was Menopause. I’m 51 so I assumed it, but I never thought it could be this bad. Many days I feel like I wanna jump outta my own skin. It’s beyond horrifying.

        Lynn / (in reply to Steph) Reply
        • Wow all same symptoms as Lynn’s. Except i ended up in the ER four times last month. My blood pressure went crazy, body was shaking uncontrollably, then i had tremors. But worse was the excessive and incredible panic attacks that followed. Eventually one of the hospital doctors worked out it was menopause and my body’s scary version of a hot flush. Now im left with internal tremors and other very scary neurological symptoms. And no appetite, weight loss all part of the body’s panic reaction to hormone plummeting. Wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemies. Can’t believe women suffer like this and suspect worse for women in todays stressed out world. My mother’s experience was nothing as horrendous as this. God help next generation. Thank goodness for HRT! It’s a crime and very cruel to deny women life saving treatment.

          Viv / (in reply to Lynn) Reply
          • I’m 57 and in post menopause (one full year without my period as of sept 2020. In sept I got the flu shot and 4 days later had a bad back pain.
            After an mri I found out I had spondylolethesis (a vertebrae slippped forward )& lumbar stenosis . Then I got vertigo & an ear infection . In the middle of all this I began experiencing terrible nervousness and anxiety. So now I was dizzy & off balance and had anxiety . I cry a lot too . I just do not feel well over all. I started having tingling arms & legs for which they gave me gabapentin which they said would help with the tingling which then may alleviate the anxiety . It’s helped but not 100%. I felt that the flu shot created an inflammatory reaction in my body and being in menopause was the perfect storm . I also found out from my mri that I have a thyroid cyst and nodule that looks ok but it’s suggested to re check it in six months . The tingling arms & legs and sensation is what’s bothering me the most and creates anxiety and worry . I need to have further testing to rule out other things . If anyone else has had anything similar I’d love to know as it may give me some hope.I also have joint pain .I’m a late menopause woman , 57? Isn’t this late ? I sometimes feel like I’m going nuts . Do you ever get back to feeling like the old you ? I’d love to know of other woman’s experiences with this in detail .

            Carolyn / (in reply to Viv)
          • This is exactly what I’m going through also. My anxiety attacks are making my life unbearable at the moment. I too keep thinking I’m going to have an heart attack so this just makes me feel worse. I have started hrt now for nearly a month as my hormone balance was very low. I’m feel a little better but am still feeling quiet anxious. I just want to feel normal again😀. Thank you for sharing these comments it’s good to know it’s not just me…

            Kal / (in reply to Viv)
    • Definitely find a new gyno! The kind of pushback you’re getting comes from people who don’t know what they’re looking at and can’t admit it.

      amy / (in reply to JustMel) Reply
  44. Hi, I just need to talk to someone. I’m 35 and yesterday was the first time after three years since my first symptoms I spoke to my GP about my experience. Around 6 month’s ago I took a over the counter test for menopause and it was positive. This answered all my questions to why I was having hot flashes, no period and felt so frustrated at everything and everyone but know 6 months on I am no longer experiencing hot flashes and restlessness, instead, I’m experiencing dry dull skin, weight gain, memory loss, lack of energy, I have developed a f intense fear of heights, can’t sleep for long hours, lack of sex drive, dry dull brittle hair and worst of all I have become self conscious. According to my GP I am most likely postmenopause and She would be looking at introducing me to Hormone Replacement Therapy as soon as she recieve my blood test results, which is in a weeks time But even if I get the results I’m still unable to talk to my husband and my family because I feel they haven’t even heard of it. My mum didn’t have severe symptoms and my older sister Is still having her period. My friends are enjoying life and just getting their life started with their new partners. My, sex mad, husband just thinks I’m a boring person with defensive attitude and unromantic soul. I feel by saying im post menopausal everyone is going to think I’m excusing for my bad behaviour and being awkward at times, for example, not wanting to go on rides, gaining weight or not wanting to party all night.
    I got 5 minutes to talk to my GP and that’s it….I’m still struggling.
    Is Hormone Replacement Therapy really the answer to all my problems?

    Aisha Ali / Reply
    • Hello Aisha, that sounds so tough. One possible source of support you might like to consider is Daisy Network, a charity dedicated to providing information and support to women diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Insufficiency, also known as Premature Menopause. You will be able to see for yourself what they have but, amongst other things, I’m told that they have regular live chats and the next one is this Saturday at 11am (GMT). https://www.daisynetwork.org
      Very best wishes,
      Sarah Chapman [Editor]

      Sarah Chapman / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • Salam Aisha I am 39 years old I am going through same problem you had but no one to speak to only other wise doctor.no one is my age going through this in my family or friends.its so awkward.hope every thing ok with you.

      Sultana choudhury / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • That sounds awful. I think Sarah(below) has already mentioned the daisy network, but do contact them. They can be really helpful. I hope you get the right help soon.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • I’m 44. Earlier this year I started waking in the night drenched in sweat. Now it occurs more regularly, sometimes only a little around the groom and lower torso, sometimes from head to feet.
      I’ve also started waking in the mornings more and more tired. Groggy like in Hung over, and woozy and dizzy, that sometimes lasts a couple of hours, half the morning, or until the afternoon.
      Trying to find any clear information if the long lasting vertigo was associated to menopause is near impossible. There are mentions of dizziness, but not ones that last for any length of time.
      So thank you to those who mention it, and are suffering from it.

      Monika / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • This is exactly what I’m going through also. My anxiety attacks are making my life unbearable at the moment. I too keep thinking I’m going to have an heart attack so this just makes me feel worse. I have started hrt now for nearly a month as my hormone balance was very low. I’m feel a little better but am still feeling quiet anxious. I just want to feel normal again😀. Thank you for sharing these comments it’s good to know it’s not just me…

      Kal / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • Aisha, if your family still hasn’t come to grips with this, please ask the doctor to write a note explaining that it does happen early in some women and that they are to be supportive as this is difficult for you.

      amy / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
    • Aisha – I LOVED my HRT. Mine were from a male doctor who prescribed bioidentical HRT. Couldn’t have lived without them! I’m sorry about your husbands behavior. Maybe he should look into Andropause (male menopause).

      BMF / (in reply to Aisha Ali) Reply
  45. Wow, reading through all the blogs so resonates with me ,I’m 53 and Perimenopausel, it’s 3:37am and the insomnia is killing me along with the night sweats. Just been to the Drs as I’ve been getting dizziness(vertigo) , it feels like I’m losing my mind but at least I know I’m not alone .

    Donna Callisto / Reply
    • Wow thinking I’m going mad started on tridestar 3 months ago thought they was working but the last month of it I started to flood very heavy never had anything like always had persistent bleeding but I coul cope with anyway that lasted 10 days but hey hoo after 6 days it’s started again I literally can not go out work it’s really embarrassing was walking my dog and had to get my partner to pick me in car as I got caught short the pain is horrendous and breast pain is worse than after I had my children I’ve stopped the tablets 3 days ago could someone recommend pain relief as usual tablets not working

      Tracy / (in reply to Donna Callisto) Reply
    • You are absolutely not. So many of us had a truly unpleasant time, and are still having. The one ting I can say – it does eventually go away!

      June Girvin / (in reply to Donna Callisto) Reply
      • Hi June, how long did it take to start feeling normal again? I’m 5 years in and still not well. Never thought my 50s would be so horrible.

        Suzanne Armbruster / (in reply to June Girvin) Reply
  46. I am 41 n just going through diagnosis stage but these night sweats unbearable they say my weight doesn’t help I have bmi of 16 very underweight but periods last ten days n were every two weeks n land d me in bed they were that heavy now have stopped completely but my head feels all over the place very emotional is this normal or sm I going through another bout of depression which I have suffered for years thought I was doing good as don’t feel depressed just very hormonal I’m terrified and don’t have a mum to ask

    Jodie Mitchell / Reply
    • This can be really hard to differentiate. I’m also a depression/anxiety sufferer and it was very hard to tell which was that and which was menopause. At the time, I didn’t much care which got treated as long as I started to feel better. I hope you have a good GP as they can be a godsend when symptoms are confused. I hope you feel better, and get some useful treatment, soon.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Jodie Mitchell) Reply
  47. Thank you for all the wisdom above – I started with night sweats about 10years ago, but about 4 years ago began to get raised temperatures (regularly 37.5 – 38.6) for days on end, then a few days or even weeks respite, then it starts again, has anyone else experienced this? I have had every kind of investigation with no conclusion, but lots of other symptoms including palpitations and eventually had surgery for atrial fibrillation which I believe was triggered by the menopause. Unfortunately over this time we also experienced losing my Dad, caring for both my in laws who had dementia, both of whom also died, as well as managing teenagers, GCSEs and A levels and a disabled child, not to mention work, so when I thought I was losing my mind there were plenty of reasons for that, but in spite of many visits to my GP it wasn’t until I hit crisis point and asked to try HRT in desperation that anything improved at all.
    I am still mid-menopause and have good days and bad, but I feel like I understand it a bit better now. I am very interested to know if anyone else has had these Unexplained Temperatures though?

    Liz / Reply
    • That’s really interesting. I don’t take my temp so I don’t know from personal experience. I do however still get terrific hot flushes (I’m 64 now) and am always too hot to be under the duvet in bed! Maybe I’ll start to check my temp. I’m so glad the blog helped you – I was very unsure about ‘going public’ with my experience of menopause, but I’m so glad I did.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Liz) Reply
    • I have been having symptoms for awhile. The dr ordered bloodwork and came back that I am in menopause. I was placed on Prempro. I took 4 pills and my flashes felt worse. I called the dr and he said push through for 5 more days. I decided on my own to try some natural remedies . I have hot flashes, moodiness, tired, anxiety has worsen, but the worse is being nauseas all day. I can eat but geez I hate that feeling. It just comes and goes.

      Kim Thibodeaux / (in reply to Liz) Reply
  48. I am in total menopause and everything that goes with it. I started at the age of 40 and am now 48 and it has not eased ONE BIT. I don’t think it ever will. I am a walking zombie, going totally insane I can have 20-30 hot flushes a day have not slept in 8 years. My language is english but I end up speaking in tongues. I have seen, read, talked to doctors I even talked with a menopause specialist. They don’t know what their talking about, when I ask them when will this end or does it ever. They do not have a reply. Right now I AM A HOT FLUSH that can last from 5 minutes-10-20 minutes. I constantly have towels wrapped around my neck and hanging over my bedhead for the fantastic night sweats. I have had the great job I quit for no reason, went camping in a tent homeless in other words, came back to where I started. Got manic depressed, ending life thoughts, weight gain from just breathing air, crying for no reason, oh angry on a whole new level, can not remember anything, getting my husband name mixed up with the dog. Cost our mortgage for a loan. On a totally spin of never ending out of body, just breathing to go through this everyday. It is like ground hog day. And then have someone say to me why is your face so red!!!!! I have figured 2 ways for this hell life; 1. Go through it and continue with it, because it does not STOP!
    2. Or 2 Get something for it and take the chance of getting breast cancer.
    Either way women lose. My mum never took anything and at age 60 she got cancer, then age 74 she got breast cancer and then 2 years after that she had to have her 2 hips replaced, because of bone lose through the menopause years. No matter which side the coins falls we are lucky to have both sides. Old saying dam if you do, dam if you don’t. Doctors really need to get educated on this… It leads to bigger health problems…. it is the cause of all womens problems they are all related. NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    mandy / Reply
    • Oh Mandy, that sounds dreadful. It does stop, honestly, but it can take a while. I hope you can get better help from your GP. Good luck.

      June Girvin / (in reply to mandy) Reply
      • 3 weeks ago I stopped my hrt cold turkey because of supply problems with the patches I was taking. I didn’t check with my GP because of covid 19 pandemic. My symptoms have returned BIG TIME. I’m 61. Has anyone any experience of menopause after hrt

        Maureen / (in reply to June Girvin) Reply
        • post menopausal issues dryness, muscle pain, sleep issues , lack of energy and the list goes on..live it daily…was using the estrogen patch (side effects, also take thyroid meds) tried over the counter creams etc. nothing works. Back to estrogen, not a patch topical a must and will take the risk at this point over no life at all.

          margaret sledziewski / (in reply to Maureen) Reply
    • You are exactly right, doctors have NO clue about this and many more things. All they want to do is give out antidepressants. 😤

      Leslie Stachelek / (in reply to mandy) Reply
    • I’ve yet to post anything but I can relate to some of your feelings Mandy I’ve been having symptoms for about 20 months not that long I realize but I feel like half my brain is turned off and I feel doom and Dread a lot of times my hot flashes and night sweats have gotten better some of the meds that they put me on for causing some of my insomnia and I had to discover that myself through Reading so I weaned off of a couple things and change the time of day I took them and it helped I have no motivation I feel like groundhog day everyday I had to quit my job of 10 years couldn’t bring myself to go in anymore had terrible anxiety for a while that has gotten a little better I think my thyroid medicine was making me terribly anxious and the buspirone for anxiety was masking it so when I went off the buspirone I recognized I was very anxious and stop taking the thyroid Med and it was like night and day listen to my anxiety a lot so found a natural desiccated thyroid to go on and doing better but really I didn’t know that there was going to be such memory issues concentration issues lack of motivation and one interesting thing is I don’t cry all the time like some women talk about I haven’t been able to cry in almost two years and before I could cry anytime I felt like it so confused about that but I tried taking HRT twice and because I still have a uterus I would start bleeding and they finally did it endometrial biopsy and I have a polyp but it’s benign I don’t feel like I can leave my house sometimes I don’t feel like I should be driving so I’ve almost quit driving have to get my family to do grocery shopping for me I have I live by myself and I’ve always been independent and able to do everything for myself and now I feel very inept it’s like hell like you say and they told me I can’t take HRT because I started bleeding and I was supposed to get the polyp removed but can’t bring myself to go have surgery right now maybe if I got it removed I could try HRT again not sure like you said the doctors don’t seem to know very much about it and they don’t give you a lot of advice when you’re in the office

      Lavonne Lowell / (in reply to mandy) Reply
    • I agree with Mandy! I have everything you have, maybe more, and it’s been going on for over 10 years. If I stand I become faint, dizzy, nauseated, sweat profusely, and my vision blackens, so I must sit down before I blackout. (I had a true blackout once from losing a copious amount of blood due to a football sized uterine fibroid. Hemoglobin so low no oxygen was getting to my brain. I went down like a ton of bricks. When I came to, the TV was on the floor with me and I had a head bump, l crawled to the bed to keep the blood flowing to my brain so it didn’t happen again. This is why I know what a true blackout feels like. I had an emergency D&C that night, then a hysterectomy a little later. I kept the ovaries, but of course now menopause has hit they no longer produce hormones.) I have 24 hour a day severe sweating heat with little cold flashes accompanied by chills; the exact opposite of what most describe having. Wearing suggested “layered clothing” is a joke. I can’t stand to be in bed with my husband because his body gives off too much heat. Depression, crying, anger easily, no libido, headaches, joint pain, itching, pins and needles occurring in random locations, fatigue, brain fog. (For a short time I used Vivelle estrogen patches but, just as I was beginning to feel NORMAL again, I suddenly couldn’t remember things and panicked. I tapered off at the GP’s suggestion.) To top it all off I’ve had Multiple Sclerosis since I was thirty, which has caused fatigue, but now the fatigue is worse due to menopause. The medication I take for the MS also enhances the depression, joint pain, and headaches. But even with the MS and associated meds, I had a good life, until menopause kicked in! I have NO life now. In the past my husband and I did many things together like boating, motor cycling(I being the passenger), camping, ATVing….and now I just can’t. My husband is in despair and finds more ways to be away from home on weekends. As far as it ending?
      I’ve read about women who’ve had these menopausal symptoms until life’s end! I’ve also been working with a skilled Naturopath but we haven’t hit on what will work yet.
      I became 65 in June of 2020 so this has been ongoing for 10 years. The thought of it lasting the rest of my life is almost more than I can bear. 🥺

      Deborah Rouse / (in reply to mandy) Reply
      • Hopefully your symptoms are abating. The dizziness and nausea are something I’m dealing with, too. Scary sometimes. Brain fog is also annoying, but voice memos, notes everywhere, and my outlook calendar helps that.
        I invested several bags of ginger chews. It helps, even if only for an hour or so.

        Sarah / (in reply to Deborah Rouse) Reply
  49. I’m 45, and started with all symptoms in my late 30s. They are still going on…
    GP will not prescribe HRT despite my going for multiple tests. When I had huge fibroids 3 years ago and my oestrogen results on the test were clearly through the roof, the GP just said “oh that’s normal”.
    Anyway I have suffered with period problems all my life and my cynical response to those who don’t suffer until the menopause is “oh, welcome to the club”.
    List of symptoms:
    1) Before perimenopause (I.e. from age 10):
    *Flooding (no one I talked to at the time bar my mum had experienced this. They gave me funny looks when I tried to talk about it)
    *Massively explosive temper probably mistaken for mental illness
    *Constant crying, I used to pray that I would not start crying as once I started I could not stop
    *Acne (for 30 years)
    *Infertility (which has made my continuous suffering absolutely f-ing pointless)
    *Fibroids (it was discovered upon a scan that my womb was almost all fibroid and no womb)
    *IBS, diarrhoea, bloating, you name it
    *Migraine, without fail, every 1st day of the month
    *Period pain so bad I could not walk
    *Painful fibrocystic breasts (my ex husband used to come up behind me and squeeze them deliberately, and eventually I got wise to when he was approaching and used to thump him one before he could get nasty)
    *Vomiting from pain (at this point I went to GP, as OTC medications did not work. She prescribed me a set of 6 high strength painkillers and said “if these don’t work you’ll have to go to A & E, because there’s nothing more we can do for you”)
    2) During perimenopause:
    *Fibroids growing so big they got in the way of my digestion
    *Vision changes – dramatic over last year
    *Morning sickness
    *IBS, diarrhoea, bloating
    *Feeling like death whenever I get my period
    *3 periods in a month! Sometimes. Then nothing for ages
    *Abuse of alcohol (previously, I never drank)
    *Loss of appetite
    *Nails that won’t grow
    *Hair that won’t grow properly and falls out in handfuls
    *Greasiness, sweatiness, smelliness despite having baths/ showers (the only thing that combats this is using turmeric and fenugreek in cooking)
    *Hot flushes and night sweats for 3 years continuously. I would get so hot I slept naked on top of the covers, then got cold again and dived under the covers again. 5 minutes later the whole process began all over again and in the morning I would be lying in a pool of my own sweat and still not have gotten any sleep
    *A variation on the above where I was so burning up one morning that I took a cold shower. After the cold shower I had a freezing flush and could not get warm. I had to lie in bed with 2 hot water bottles all morning
    *Seriously bad depression (I tried committing suicide 3 times in a weekend once and it didn’t work so I gave up on that one)
    *Shouting at people a lot. Particularly younger Millennial women who think they are all that, and who get my goat
    *Crashing tiredness
    *Bleeding receding gums
    *Aches everywhere. The latest is chronic backache, breast pain and tennis elbow in both arms even though I do not do any heavy lifting. I feel like 99 and as though all I can do is sleep
    *On top of all that, issues with homelessness, unemployment, finances, bereavement and general lack of stability

    Reading through all this, I am amazed I have managed to get anything done at all during my life.

    I hate the fact that women are so pressured to “have it all” these days, it is sort of a pathetic attitude and actually quite nonproductive for society. For myself, what has worked best is not putting too much pressure on myself, trying to sleep as much as I can and doing as much Art as I can (after a 5 year hiatus).

    I really do think that being a woman completely ruined my life. I was a happy little girl before the age of 10, but when periods happened, bam, it just all went down the toilet, literally. Academically, socially, you name it.

    To those women who have never had any symptoms with periods or menopause, and who “sail through it”, I don’t want to say I hate you, but I do.

    Mary / Reply
    • My god how happy am I to have found this, I thought I was going crazy

      Lesley Ray / (in reply to Mary) Reply
      • I’m 7 months now without a period but this week I’ve had smears of old blood come away almost like what you get at the beginning or end of a period and in lots of pain in back and pelvic area is this normal

        Pam Stevens / (in reply to Lesley Ray) Reply
    • Yes, it’s grim. I don’t think there is anything I can say to help, but as you can see from the blog – I recognise a lot of what you say. And I have to say, I really get cross with the people who ‘sail through’ and have no idea of what some of us are dealing with. I really hope things get better for you.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Mary) Reply
      • So glad I stumbled a cross this forum. I have had blood tests taken and am def permimenapause. I am 48 I have been experiencing alot of focus issues. Can’t concentrate on anything and multitasking is a thing of the past. I seem to have shaky hands but no sweats as yet.. My periods are all over the place… Didn’t have one for 6months then one that was light and only lasted a day. Is anyone else sharing these symtoms.. I think I’m going mad

        Marymoo / (in reply to June Girvin) Reply
        • I’m glad it’s helping. It took me a long time to decide to share this experience, but I am so glad I did. I felt alone too, but now I can see – there are so many of us!

          June Girvin / (in reply to Marymoo) Reply
    • Been there. Still there. Started at age 38. Now 54. It’s slowing a bit, at long last. But I still can’t concentrate. I still have hot flashes (that make me feel like I have caught fire for 4 minutes or so, following by shaking chills, so that I’m in the bathroom at work tearing all my clothes off, then piling them on again) though they have gone down from constant to a few daily. I still cry at the darn TV. This has been completely disabling, but I could not leave work, or my family would starve. HRT helped for a while, but now they won’t give it to me. I honestly don’t give a damn if I get cancer in 10 years – I won’t survive till then without help. I have found some things that help a bit, but their availability varies incredibly.

      Candace / (in reply to Mary) Reply
      • I’m 57 years old 3 years post menapause due to surgical ovary removal. Felt ok for awhile but feel like garbadge again
        Skin always feels like its on fire.twitching eyes,headaches, muscle pain, stomach issues,crying, and some days so moody my poor son dosent want to be hear me.hell I dont want to be hear me.Feeling this way for years now. Peri menapause was a nightmare. Still have not slept in years. Help….

        Lisa ferrara / (in reply to Candace) Reply
    • OMG. I can’t believe I have found this blog. It has been comforting to hear I’m not alone.
      I was a happy child, full of potential. Then the hormones kicked in. Horrible periods, never knowing when one was coming. Uncontrollable rage and several suicide attempts.
      After my children I was hospitalised with severe post natal depression and I’ve never got better.
      My relationships have suffered. I’ve never been able to hold down a job because of my anxiety. I aways think that people are getting at me.
      Then comes the menopause. I am 54 and haven’t had a period for 4 years. Now I have the depression, anxiety and rage with added hot flushes constantly and night sweats every night.
      I find it difficult to go out when I know I look like I’ve run a marathon in a fur (fake) coat. I get so embarrassed when the sweat is literally dripping off my nose.
      Sorry for the long rant but I feel so terrible and alone.

      Julie / (in reply to Mary) Reply
    • Could you have endometriosis? You shouldn’t be suffering like this.
      Check out the Facebook Group Nancy’s Nook.

      Caro / (in reply to Mary) Reply
      • Hi I’m so glad I’ve found this forum I’m in full menopause and keep praying it will go away I can’t have hrt because I had a blood clot so I have to suffer,I’m getting depression,panic,sad thoughts, feeling lost,really bad Anxiety,scared of being alone,hot flushes,dry mouth,can’t concentrate on TV, blurred vision, nausea, fatigue,I just want it to end it’s horrible just want to be back the way I was ,plus bladder problems,so my heart goes out to all of you because I know what your going through,I just hope and pray I come out the otherside,has anyone got any suggestions of what I can take that helps.

        Yvonne / (in reply to Caro) Reply
        • Yvonne.. have a lot of your same symptoms. I can’t hold down a job, be alone, or concentrate. I went four months without a period then got one. I’m depressed, get anxiety, sleep but wake up tired and feel light headed and almost fell into a window the other day, luckily my son was standing by me to catch me. My vision gets off a lot. I also feel very alone, sad, extreme fatigue and I get really cold for no reason and sometimes I’ll be really warm. I’ve had 2 blood clots, so my gyn doesn’t want to put me on hrt because of the risk. I have 2 copies of an MTHFR gene mutation that can cause hormones to be worse. My doc has put me on Estrodim and Chaste Tree(Vitex) to see if it will help, I’ve only been on it 2 weeks, so we’ll see .I also take vitamin E, C, D3, ashwagandha ,glutathione, magnesium glycinate and some b vitamins. I’m having a hard time concentrating just typing this, so I hope I make sense. I wish I had someone to talk to about this that really understands.

          • I started to wonder if I was having symptoms from the civic-19. My husband had it and said I don’t have it, if I did my symptoms would be way worse with what I’m dealing with.
            I started feeling nausea, hot flushes, slight headaches, pain on my hips and lower back as well as pain on my lower feet.
            After reading some of the symptoms these woman on here are dealing with I’m convinced it’s not vivid-19 but peri menopause symptoms is what I’m dealing with! I took the covid-19 test a few days ago just waiting on the results. If In fact it does come back to be negative then I’ll have to call my gynecologist to let her know what I’m dealing with. I sure don’t want to take any medications they would want to prescribe just to push these pharmaceutical on you! Hope this gets better before it gets worse! God bless all these woman who have to deal with this!

            XOCHIR / (in reply to Shawne)
        • Talk to your doctor about transdermal estrogen. There is negligible clot risk in this form. Huge study published in the British medical journal I believe showing very low risk with transdermal hrt.

          Kate / (in reply to Yvonne) Reply
          • transdermal is supposed to be the safest one or topical for dryness…used both…back to vagifem as I have tried compounded prog./estrogen at an extreme cost…family Dr. is useless affords me 5 minutes tops. I am past menopause post menopausal issues are horrific for me..muscle pain lack of energy groin pain tired…thought it was all due to my thyroid medication…but told that too Not your Thyroid!!

            margaret sledziewski / (in reply to Kate)
    • Mary – how hidden we life-long pmt sufferers are in the menopause discussion. Each time I read a story about a peri and menopause sufferer being in shock, or how it’s interrupted the course of their life, or those who jump on HRT to postpone the unfamiliar intrusion (and then to be confused that the body is wanting to do its thing when trying to come off it), I don’t relate 100% as much as in this post.

      It’s a good thing people are now speaking out about menopause, but what of those like us whose lives have been completely blighted by the exact symptoms described here from the first period? We have suffered with debilitating symptoms for most of our lives (evidently hormonal because of the fluctuating nature), and in some cases, it has singlehandedly ruined pretty much everything.

      We might get respite at some point (i’m hoping to feel 10 again when I’m 60!). I still have irregular periods with that eternal ‘pmt’ nightmare, only now it’s termed ‘perimenopause’. Shame a chunk of 50 yrs has been engulfed by estrogen madness, the same hormone that one minute makes you love the world, small animals and even your enemies, and the next makes you feel like you’re related to Lucifer and are colluding with his plans of world destruction. I need peace and estrogen needs to die so I’m not about to take my nemesis in pill form.

      I still haven’t read any posts about that window post-menopausal whereby someone feels ‘normal’ and ‘stable’ like a 10 yr old hanging blissfully upside-down off a climbing frame or enjoying a tea-cup ride at the fair and not getting a panic attack. Some older women are terribly grumpy – is that why there’s more info on managing symptoms than life enjoyment post-menopause blogs?

      Is there something someone is not telling us? I’m hoping post-menopausal women are so busy with their happiness they don’t have time to tell us just how happy they are. If no-one speaks up about what life is really like post-menopause, I’ll be sure to write about it – but don’t hold your breaths, I’m 53 and have a feeling it won’t be any time soon.

      Josie / (in reply to Mary) Reply
  50. I am so relieved I found this blog .
    So many of these menopause symptoms / have taken over my body at different stages
    My biggest problem came about 4 years ago when the thought of sex started to make my skin crawl. It had become painful and disgusting to me, it became a chore rather than pleasure. My boyfriend of 15 years and I grew apart . We had planned our future but when menopause came along everything went black eventually my feelings were affected
    My parents were moving back to Chicago and I decided to move with them rather than staying in Virginia to live out my life with my boyfriend.
    That was a huge mistake, a decision that I made not in my right frame of mind. Menopause did that, to my life. Well guess what tmy menopause is gone and so is my boyfriend he moved on without me and who could blame the poor guy. Now I am still totally in love with him and living with heartbreak it’s not fair. He was a wonderful, kind, generous man a real gentleman I will never find another man that could be as wonderful. We met by chance it was fate and love at first site which is rare. Up until recently I couldn’t explain what had happened then I started to put the pieces together slowly while emerging myself into research.,
    The last 6-7 years have been bad besides lack of feelings I experienced night sweats weight gain
    depression very bad migraines that last for exactlly 3 days a month. There is absolutely no question in my mind about it, menopause stold my future and truly did ruin my life. I blame myself of course I feel I wasn’t strong enough to get through the transition A second chance would be wonderful but I don’t think he’ll try. I’m pretty sure that he fell out of love with me when he found this other girl. Hmm I wonder if she’s started going thru the change?, oh my poor ex . I did not see this disaster coming.
    Menopause was a cruel twist of fate for me

    Kerry / Reply
    • I am so sorry to hear that you had such a bad time. Have you visited your doctor? There are things that can help if it’s still a problem. I hope you feel more like yourself soon.

      June / (in reply to Kerry) Reply
      • I am in a terrible state since the menopause 8 years ago with allergies. Food, drugs, atmosphere I have become hypersensitive to everything and struggle daily with asthma exzema bloating dizziness tingling palpitations, shaking and fatigue. I have been to every NHS department and seen a private allergy consultant but nothing has helped. I react to most foods and can’t take drugs only prednisolone course when things get really bad. I have low cortisol but endocrinology won’t treat. My Gp is at a loss to help but has been very supportive but consultants just pass me from one department to another. My husband has been incredible thank goodness. I just struggle daily eating food it’s so random sometimes I react other times I won’t so a food diary has been no help. Its very frustrating.

        Sally Stokes / (in reply to June) Reply
        • Oh you poor thing. These things are horrible and so random. I’m sorry you are still suffering these symptoms. For me, even though my periods stopped I still had symptoms for a while. Even now at 64 I still get hot flushes and night sweats. I wonder if your GP would think about whether your symptoms might still be related to menopause? It does sound as though you have tried everything, but I hope things improve for you.

          June Girvin / (in reply to Sally Stokes) Reply
          • Hello ladies I’m a 55 year old woman I have suffered with recurrent depression and anxiety since I was a teenager iv got fibromyalgia and going through menopause iv read through all of your symptoms and I send you all my love and I know how lousy it is every day is a challenge its so hard to cope and manage I feel like dementia will be the end result for me I can’t function often my home is a mess I can’t get organised I make the place untidy its an effort to get a wash and dressed most of the time I feel I’m totally lost to all the symptoms I feel like you all I have all of the symptoms you guys have mentioned I dident know I would end up with vaginal atrophy in menopause its shocking sex is totally a no and has been for years I’m like you all just getting by best I can

            Tina / (in reply to June Girvin)
    • Not sure if I’m supposed to comment as I’m a man but the girl I live and was going to marry has all of these symptoms. I’m desperate to help her but she is like a different person. I love her very much and I will never leave her though she has pushed everyone away including me. I’ve lost 35lbs the last couple of months I feel like I’ve failed her. Now she barely responds and she really doesn’t have anyone to advocate for her maybe her mom but not sure. I’ve been all but shut out and I know I’m like everyone else in her life she has done that to. I’m totally lost. Ive tried to back away and have but I feel like I’m abandoning her when she needs support the most. I’m scared to reach out because I’m afraid it will push her away further. Can anyone recommend how I approach her? Ive mentioned going to the Dr but she ignores it. Just really love her and I’m lost on what to do.

      LM / (in reply to Kerry) Reply
      • LM, I don’t know if I am in the same situation as your partner but I am pushing my partner away too. He had proposed and I declined. My reason, which I didn’t tell him, is I won’t be able to give him a child anymore. I want him to be happy and I am thinking he’ll be happy with someone else with whom he can have a family. But you seem to be someone who truly love. Why don’t you try to communicate (write?). Anyway your message was October, I hope you have gotten through this.

        Mia / (in reply to LM) Reply
      • LM – are there any women in your girls life that have or are going through menopause that you would trust and/or be comfortable talking to about the situation? Maybe she would be more open with them. Personally I would tell them not to mention you asked for their help so she doesn’t push you further away. 👏👏 Kudos to you for sticking with her!

        BMF / (in reply to LM) Reply
    • Is there anything your boyfriend could have said/done different to help you? I’m being pushed away rn and I’m desperate to help my girl. I meant to reply to this comment earlier but accidentally replied to a comment further down. I need advice so I dont lose her.

      LM / (in reply to Kerry) Reply
  51. Great article, I really needed to read that and everyone’s comments. I feel ill and sad quite a lot and get overwhelmed by that. Both emotionally and physically I pull away from people and family (my note to self reads “do not accept invites”) I sometimes wonder if people at work look at me and think I am old and mad (there is no basis for this train of thought) sometimes I think its ok I can get through this and other times I do want to seek a way out.

    Penny Cutter / Reply
    • I’m glad the post helped. Sometimes knowing that you’re not just mad really is useful!! Do see your doctor and try to get some help, it can be different with the right treatment and a sympathetic physician. Good luck.


      June / (in reply to Penny Cutter) Reply
  52. Just want to thank you all from the heart .God bless you ladies, i needed to hear that i am not on my own with this Im almost 54 I get several hot flushes a day and then im freezing cold cant decide what to wear just completly uncomfotable in my skin and constantly befuddled in my head , being alone is easier at the moment but also lonely and sometimes distressing

    lorraine Crozier / Reply
    • It will pass, I promise, but it’s horrible at the time. Do talk to your doctor if you can, there are treatments that can help. I hope you feel back to your usual self before too long.


      June / (in reply to lorraine Crozier) Reply
      • Hello ladies. I don’t know where l am in all this. I’m 54 and want to ask do you feel like you are going to have a period e.g get cramps and aches but the period doesn’t appear? Is this normal to get period like cramping for weeks on end?

        Louise bish / (in reply to June) Reply
    • I’m absolutely with you. Totally identify. Sending hugs x

      Helena Bayfield / (in reply to lorraine Crozier) Reply
  53. June
    How wonderful to read an honest piece about a natural yet sometimes truly challenging process.
    Thank you
    I have been in perimenapause since I was 45 years,I am soon to be 53 years. Symptoms got progressively worse for a while,severe mood swings,migraine,night sweats,crushing fatigue,severe sleep disturbances,to name a few 😳😳😄
    Gp wanted to prescribe anti depressants , I firmly declined
    I started yoga twice a week and a light gym routine twice a week.
    I take extra calcium and magnesium and drink lots of water,
    I cut back to one cup of coffee a day

    All in all everything improved in the past two years so I do believe these things did help me.
    Everyone is so individual so what helps one may not help another
    Anyway thank you again,we need to discuss and publish more about this very human natural process so that those of us who are having to suffer do not feel so “abnormal”

    Best wishes to all

    Barbara / Reply
    • Thanks, Barbara, I’m glad it helped. We don’t talk about it enough, and often people are very surprised by how it can be. I actually found a course of anti-depressants really helpful at one point, but I agree that they are not for everyone, and they are by no means a universal panacea for menopause. I’m 64 now and still get hot flushes…..


      June / (in reply to Barbara) Reply
      • I am 63 and am foggy headed, anxious, depressed, fearful, all of these emotion wave in and out of my body ALL DAY LONG. I officially entered menopause at age 58, I have been suffering for 6 years. The anxiety and depression are the worst. I’m too old for HRT, tried Paxil for 3 years, I’ve weaned off of it 3 months ago and I am determined to get through this menopause !!!!!!!!!! I am retired after 40 years of working and I want to enjoy a long healthy life. I am very healthy, no medications, go to the gym, keep my weight at 130, have a wonderful husband and family. I just need some VALIDATION that this menopause will end someday SOON . I want to feel calm and happy again !!!

        Jan / (in reply to June) Reply
        • Haha! I can so identify with you! I went into perimenopause when I was about 45 and my last period was when I was about 57/8. Even now at 64 I still get hot flushes and night sweats. So, it can feel like a lifetime, but I promise you it will pass. I did find a course of anti-depressants really helpful at one stage, they helped the anxiety which in turn helped the depression. Once I felt more lively and less wound up, the other symptoms felt better too. I’ve said before in replies, that they’re not for everyone, but if your A and D is really bad – do think about it. I hope you start feeling back to yourself soon. It does go away!

          June Girvin / (in reply to Jan) Reply
        • Why are you too old for HRT? the study that most Dr’s go by is based on oral estrogen not transdermal or vaginal estrogen…I go through the feeling of intense anxiety then depression but with thyroid medication there are not a lot of medications I can take…now to estrogne again need relief from the dryness which is so very painful

          margaret sledziewski / (in reply to Jan) Reply
  54. All these post have been great for me I too have gone through some rough symptoms with menopause. I had the FSH test done and found out that I’m in post menopause. I had a partial hysterectomy uterus and one ovary was removed at a young age. I now am 62 still have hot flashes. I have anxiety and depression at times I feel like I’m losing it. Really don’t have anyone that understands. Have neck and back promblems that keep me stressed as well as just normal life situations. Your post have helped me see that there are others out here going through the same things I am. Thanks
    Lonely One

    Sarah / Reply
    • Hey Sarah, I’ve just come across this site, I too had a hysterectomy young (32) my ovaries were left because of my age. I am now a young 62 lol ( so everyone tells me) I have hot flashes, anxiety, depression and a few other ailments, feel like I’m rattling down but reading your post I thought goodness that is totally me. It helps to know your not the only one out there that is suffering, even though you wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
      All the best

      Angela / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
    • Thanks, I’m glad it helped a little to know that your experience is shared by others. I still have hot flushes at 64, but at least the other ‘stuff’ has improved! I hope you feel more like yourself soon, these transitions are really challenging, but there is life out the other side!

      June / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
    • I wish i had known this ten years ago.
      I walked out on a happy marriage of 25 years.
      I suffered with panic attacks to the point i was having a heart attack. Being moody and nasty was the norm for the last two years of the marriage..i thought it was because i was unhappy. Didn’t realise it was the symptoms of the menopause.
      Fast forward five years..post menopause..wish i had known of menopause symptoms…if i had. I would still be married. My boys would have a family home.
      Ignorance of menopause definitely ruined my life.

      If only.. / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
    • Thank you for all of this. I’ve been scouring the internet for days trying to find information
      I’m 54 and haven’t had a period for 11 months. That was a brief one and the previous one was 6 months before that, and again 6 months before that. I though I could dispense with contraception. This week, I’ve had the period from hell. Heavier than I’ve ever known. Befire this, I was having swollen, tender breasts and was totally and utterly exhausted, to the stage that it crossed my mind that I could be pregnant and wouldn’t know.The flushes stopped a few months ago and I thought I was now postmenopausal. Now I’m wondering if I’m even experiencing miscarriage. I had one years ago and went through similar pain and bleeding. I’ve no idea what’s going on and not sure if the doctor would be any the wiser. All of the forgetfulness, flushing etc etc pale in significance compared to this. Any advice would be appreciated.

      Jan / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
      • This is so helpful! Dnt panic I had similar experience – I’m 54, hadn’t had a period for 6 months then one mighty painful , excruciating one arrived with a migraine. After it stopped, my breasts still felt tender, gradually becoming swollen and so painful and hard I thought I had mastitis! I googled mastitis without breastfeeding (don’t do it!) apparently I had rare form of breast cancer – then another period came, just two weeks after the last – breasts have subsided a bit – period awful again – it’s all menopause.

        Lorraine / (in reply to Jan) Reply
      • You can see from the blog, that my experiences were very similar. Oh, the bleeding! Oh, the pain! Oh, the fear! Sadly for some women, these are our menopausal symptoms. And because it’s not talked about, many women don’t realise that this is how their menopause is. Do talk to your Dr – a sympathetic doc can be really helpful. Do you know if there is a menopause clinic near you? Some Trusts have them and they can also be helpful. You don’t just have to tolerate it, ask for help. It will pass but it can take a while and meanwhile some of those symptoms can be helped. Good luck.

        June Girvin / (in reply to Jan) Reply
    • So very glad I found this forum. I’m 47 and haven’t had a period for over a year now. I started having really bad hot flashes about 6 months ago with nausea, racing heart, extreme sweating ,weakness and chills. I feel tingly , mentally foggy, irritable, and depressed. My doctor suggested HRT. But I’m scared to start down that road only to have to go through it the symptoms once again when HRT treatment is done. It basically just prolongs estrogen withdrawal. I wasn’t prepared for all these symptoms to hit me all at once. It’s like some days are ok bearable. But others are debilitating to the point of utter despair.

      Catina Varela / (in reply to Sarah) Reply
  55. I am 52, I am not in menopause yet, just had my hormone levels tested and they are not down , so I guess I’m in perimenopause. Three months ago I stared having palpitations, chest pressure, and anxiety. I wore a heart monitor which was abnormal. I had a stress test which was abnormal. Now next week I have to have a heart cath. I am now hoping that this is all menopause related and not heart disease!! Reading blogs about what others are going through helps my symptoms. Has anyone else been through these symptoms??

    AnnaBeth Jones / Reply
    • Hi,
      I’m sorry to hear about those symptoms they can be really frightening. Getting them checked out properly by a cardiologist is sensible before you put them down to menopause. Palpitations and anxiety are common in menopause and usually harmless, but they can be very frightening at the time. It’s good that you are reading around and finding out about what can happen through menopause. It can vary so much from woman to woman, and often those who have the hardest time don’t talk about it, so no learning happens and awareness is low. I hope you get some help with your symptoms. Good luck.

      June / (in reply to AnnaBeth Jones) Reply
      • Why does no one tell you that you dry up and libido falls off a cliff after menopause? Or that the drop in oestrogen changes your brain and eventually leads to dementia? These are the facts, no matter how it is sugarcoated. Why does no one tell you the golden years are short, make the most of them..

        Munia / (in reply to June) Reply
    • Hello Annabeth. I have chest and back discomfort, I couldn’t describe, like tingling, numbing, feeling heavy, and sometimes on the left side too and nape and throat. The first time I went to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack but tests came out normal. On the second time it happened, I took the risk of not going anywhere, and discomfort went away but I must say it was scary. I still think I might be developing a heart condition but too scared to find out.

      MIa / (in reply to AnnaBeth Jones) Reply
  56. Thank you, one and all.
    The original article made me feel normal and female. This has been the first article that truely covers the things that I have experienced.
    Thank you to all the lovely ladies who have been brave enough to share all and bare all.

    I now feel that I have a better understanding of what I am experiencing.

    A big hug to you all.

    Josie / Reply
    • Oh I wish more women would talk about this and admit it CAN be difficult. Yes it is a natural part of womanhood but that’s what we tell each other about childbirth/periods etc but that doesn’t stop all these things being difficult and downright traumatic for some. If we can have honest conversations hopefully we can ask for support and give support to others.

      Jane / (in reply to Josie) Reply
    • Thanks. So glad it was helpful!

      June / (in reply to Josie) Reply
  57. Comment to original article. I have nearly all of those symptoms you have suffered with, though mine is more very painful tender breasts rather than the abdominal pain, others you haven’t mentioned for me are heart palpitations on which I regularly say one of these days I’ll be having a heart attack and won’t know it and disturbed sleep pattern. I am going to buy book you recommend see what it recommends. Thanks

    Toni / Reply
    • Ah, the palpitations! They are not uncommon in menopause and are usually harmless, but you should get them checked out anyway. Best to be safe! I did a lot of reading when I was in the middle of menopause, sometimes it helped just to know that what I experienced was ‘normal’ if uncommon. It will pass, eventually! If you have a sympathetic doctor, they can be fantastic at symptom control. Good luck!

      June / (in reply to Toni) Reply
  58. Wow.. everyone’s comments on here are ‘exactly’ what I’m going through too. Physically and mentally. Don’t know what to do.
    So unsettled in life and body too. No energy throughout day/night, no confidence at all , anxiety taking over.. needing to sleep but mind working overtime so won’t allow me to. In pain with migraines amongst other symptoms. Total loss of self esteem. Body consciousness . Needing to make career changes as struggling look after people in my job when I’m struggling to look after myself feeling like this but no idea which direction to head in. Hate feeling like this. Never felt so lost and unable to step in any direction. Struggling with the simplest of things. Mind is such a mess it’s exhausting just trying to decide what clothes to wear just to look normal to try to get through day. What to cook/keeping in top of housework.. my mind seems to have just slowed down to a halt and stopped working. Trying to hold conversations with others is hard.
    I had written my feelings down saying .. ‘My body feels alien to me..and it’s scaring me .. because I don’t recognise even myself anymore’ felt I was going through these changes feeling completely alone as only have my kids at home who are now teens and going through their hormonal changes/stages of life which I remember as if it was yesterday so completely understand what they’re going & need to support them)
    After reading this at least I don’t feel alone . Thank you so much. Big love to you all.

    Maggie / Reply
    • Omg. I am so relieved to read something that mirrors my own experiences. I have never felt so miserable. I have had night sweats for over a year but now I have hot flushes throughout the day, I feel sick and have a constant headache. My muscles ache everywhere and all I want to do is go to bed (unheard of for me). Please help. Someone Susie xxx

      Susie / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
    • Maggie you hit the nail on the head. So unsettled in life and body too…. never felt so lost and able to step in any direction….needing to make career changesas struggling to look after people in my job and look after myself….mind is such a mess and exhausting.

      Yvonne / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
    • Hi Maggie, I’m glad reading this and then replies has helped. When you get a whole ‘mess’ of symptoms it’s really hard and when your perspective goes haywire too, it’s such a trial. As I’ve said to others on here – do talk to your doctor – not all of them are helpful, but some are really good and can help a lot. One thing to be sure of – it will pass eventually. In the meantime – talk to friends and colleagues. When I was at work I often let people know why my behaviour was erratic. They would be embarrassed, but it was better for me than to try and pretend everything was normal. Menopause needs to be ‘normalised’ in the workplace. I hope your symptoms ease soon.


      June / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
    • I’m so glad this was helpful. I have been really pleased that the blog has encourage so many women to share their symptoms and reassure their ‘sisters’ in menopause. One day it will all be over!

      June Girvin / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
    • I feel a lot of the same things. It came on me a year ago November subtly started having anxiety and don’t feel so depressed just a lot of anxiety and nervousness and Restless feel totally unmotivated want to do things I used to do but can’t seem to make myself do them sit in my chair a lot and feel like my life is over like life will never be the same again been on leave with my job got so bad afraid I cannot return to my job and the only one to support myself feel like I’m going to lose my home and everything I’ve worked for I was at my job for 10 years and now maybe losing it feel so lost and like feel tortured during the day isolated can’t bring myself to go anywhere grocery shopping is difficult no concentration difficulty making decisions. I never knew menopause could be so severe I thought you just stopped having periods and got some hot flashes wish that were all it was I tried hormone therapy for 2 weeks but have my uterus and everything and bled a lot had to stop I’m going to the doctor this Friday hopefully to get put on a different form of HRT that might be better hopefully I have tried antidepressants and they don’t seem to do much for me but give me side effects like I said I don’t feel that depressed but have a lot of anxiety and it’s debilitating and feels like torture thanks for sharing I’m desperate to connect with other women going through this don’t want to feel all alone

      Lavonne / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
      • Hi Lavonne
        I am exactly the same, thank you so much for your comment. I used to be an athlete and an executive and a Board Chair and a busy volunteer and last year I quit everything and now sit at home so isolated and depressed and anxious. Exercise makes all of my joints and muscles hurt. I cry a lot. My therapist is trying to get me to meditate and do yoga which sounds boring but my 2020 resolutions were to do these things. I am also going to try to get an appt to discuss HRT. It’s horrible to feel so alone though.

        Jennifer / (in reply to Lavonne) Reply
    • Wow , finally googled the right words , I FEEL LIKE SHIT IS IT MENOPAUSE and landed here and read this blog and then your comments ! What you described brought me to tears I can completely relate! ” So unsettled in life and body too… My body feels alien to me …” Great to not feel so alone !

      Beth / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
      • This also brought me to tears!! I’m glad I found this forum. I also feel like SHIT! I want to be me again! I feel like I’m suffering because I’m struggling To live! Hot flashes, anxiety and vertigo, weight gain, which lead me straight to depression! I’m on anxiety meds/depression. It’s working on anxiety to a point but not totally. I’m doing acupuncture next week I need to try something! I’m also gonna call my dr. I can’t do this anymore! 6 months with this miserable shit!

        Cat / (in reply to Beth) Reply
        • I’m desperate have been in a and e several times have collapsed am nauseous all the time dizzy crying not in control dr said menopause offered no help no hrt as blood pressure high I’m not the person I was have acne feel scared shaky terrible hot flushes dont know where to get help don’t have any friends as all have disappeared over time as said I was too needy and miserable to be around

          Tilly / (in reply to Cat) Reply
  59. Wow.. everyone’s comments on here are ‘exactly’ what I’m going through too. Physically and mentally. Don’t know what to do.
    So unsettled in life and body too. No energy throughout day/night, anxiety taking over.. needing to sleep but mind working overtime so won’t allow me to. In pain with migraines amongst other symptoms. Total loss of self esteem. (Total loss of Confidence and feeling self conscious about physical changes in body which haven’t been mentioned ..not knowing if it’s norm) Feeling desperate need to make career changes as struggling look after people in my job when I’m struggling to look after myself feeling like this but no idea which direction to head in. Lost and afraid to move in any direction because bills still need paying and am only earner in household. Hate feeling like this. Never felt so lost and unable to step in any direction. Struggling with the simplest of things. Mind is such a mess, it’s exhausting just trying to decide what clothes to wear just to look normal to try to get through day. What to cook for family meals.. keeping on top of housework.. can’t make decisions , my mind seems to have just slowed down to a halt and stopped working. Trying to hold conversations with others is hard.
    I had written my feelings down saying .. ‘My body feels alien to me..and it’s scaring me .. because I don’t recognise even myself anymore’ felt I was going through these changes feeling completely alone as only have my kids at home who are now teens and going through their hormonal changes/stages of life which I remember as if it was yesterday so completely understand what they’re going through & need to support them)
    After reading this at least I don’t feel alone and paranoid so can hold on to my sanity . Completely sympathise with everyone on here. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s a passing phase ..(so I keep reminding myself anyway. Ride with the storm until calmer waters . Just wish it would pass a bit quicker) Hang in there. We will get through it and you will feel normal again. Big love to you all.

    Maggie / Reply
    • (… sorry got carried away with that message . Although forgot to mention when I tried to speak to doc for advice I was just given a number for ‘think action’ helpline which I lost courage to call back. Has got to the point where I haven’t energy and don’t know how to find words to explain anymore. Will just try to get through it)

      Maggie / (in reply to Maggie) Reply
  60. After having another night of sweating and what seams like never ending sleeplessness I was looking for help. Need to read more to find help thank you

    Melanie / Reply
    • Yep. Knowledge is power! And it helps to have read around something if you’re going to your doctor. It’s not acceptable these days for your menopause symptoms to be ignored. There is help out there. Good luck.

      June Girvin / (in reply to Melanie) Reply
    • Thankful for the blog. Iam in africa and seems very few have such information here.

      Pruscilla / (in reply to Melanie) Reply
  61. Good to feel your not alone, spot on story 👍

    Elizabeth Fitzpatrick / Reply
  62. So relieved to realise I am not alone.

    Ruth / Reply
  63. My life is out of control with anxiety due to menopause. Everyday I feel like I am losing it , I moved from New York City to SC 2years ago with my husband. All my family is still in NY and I have been so unhappy here. I am taking HRT. I have stopped and started again because I am afraid of side affects. Been through hypnotherapy had 3 sessions and the last session my anxiety got so bad I left thinking he did something to my brain. Now taking some Chinese teas sent to me by a herbalist. I am all over the place, to knowing where to turn for the right medicine or help. Just wish someone could give me a new brain.

    Morning / Reply
    • Thankful for the blog. Iam in africa and seems very few have such information here. All those sypmtoms have been through since late 40s now iam 60 years in november, last year was tough for me with very cold chills and again burning almost everywhere in my body. Tests showed nothing wrong with me. My gyneo said its due to menopause , aftet many months got relieve with supplements with phytoestrogen, just 2 months ago I started having shortness of breath though hotflashes still there but not so much. My same doctor says still is menopause with this very uncomfortable shortness of breath. He prescribed Estovon but fear taking HRT. Hope I get better. Wish all of us going through this better days ahead.

      Priscilla / (in reply to Morning) Reply
    • Hi
      So glad to have found this website.
      Im 49 all started 9 months ago with bad indigestion feeling not able to burp and no appetite. Next bad chest pain shortless of breath which ended up in emergent dept. Heart checked all ok. Then doctor in hospital advised could he anxiety arrived home next day full panic attack and shaking for days. Put on Xanax and lexapro and amitripline tabs.
      Blood results doctor advised not menipause.
      I know it’s permenopuse and it’s why anxiety so bad now. Get really bad dread feeling and still heavy pain in chest. Acupuncture is helping. First time ever writing a blog but want to share my story anxiety down feeling dread feeling is premenopausal.

      Martina / (in reply to Morning) Reply
  64. Hey June Girvin.,thanks you for sharing all this wonderful information but I just want to know is there any side effects of menopause actually my mom is suffering from stomach pain and facing problem in her eyesight.

    Airport Playaobgyn / Reply
  65. This is me to a T too..I wish I could meet you all and arrange a support system for us. Lost and alone amongst my loved ones around me!!

    Shazma Thabusom / Reply
  66. Lost in Menopause
    You hear the horror stories from older generational people, about how women use to go crazy while going through menopause. Except the terminology that they used then was “going through the change”. I now understand that it’s quite possible that these stories are true. Menopause can be debilitating and contribute to some women making decisions and doing things that they may end up regretting over their lifetime. It’s a subject that many doctor’s do not quite understand or just simply choose to brush under a rug. It normally happens when women have either had a hysterectomy or naturally when they have stopped their monthly cycle. Ages vary due to the hysterectomy factor, however typically around the age of 45 and up. I had to write something about menopause, so that I can simply get some relief for myself, as dealing with this is exhausting. Trying to communicate with individuals who have never experienced this is also taxing. Perhaps someone will read this and realize that they know someone who may be going through this and has said nothing. Maybe they will reach out and help or at least ask questions when they think that they may be headed in the wrong direction.
    Treatment is often limited to psychiatric medications especially when you feel like you are slowly losing your mind. People do not tend to talk much out in the open about this condition and I call it a condition because that’s exactly what it is. It’s a condition that many women endure it their lives that can literally consume them with overwhelming feelings of guilt, depression, and the sense of unworthiness. All too often these women hide their condition and try to pretend that things are just fine in their lives or they simply choose to blame whatever is happening to them on life. They start to question their purpose in life, they wonder why they are starting to put on so much weight, they wonder why they don’t like being around a lot of people or why they feel so sad and depressed. This is not to say that this happens to every woman in the world, as there are those who breeze right through this stage of their lives with no problems at all. I can tell you that these are the fortunate ones, because those of us who were not as fortunate have gone through some life changes or are going through some life changes.
    I am going to discuss some of the life changes that I have gone through in my life that I contribute partly to menopause. The sad part about menopause for me is that talking about it to someone is difficult because of fear that they will really think you are crazy and will not remotely understand what could possibly be making you do some of the things that you do.
    For years of my life I have always had some type of issue that resolved around my mental state that I felt involved how my body reacted to the hormonal changes that occurred in my life each month. I can remember when some symptoms started to occur in my life. I was in my early 30’s when I can remember walking into my house not even knowing how I got there. I couldn’t tell anyone the route that I took home or even driving for that matter. I just knew I made it home and that it was like I totally blacked out and was oblivious to anything. Thankfully there was a higher power that got me home safe and sound. Then there was a time when I up and traded my luxury car in for a not so luxury car on a whelm, to later find out that I was pregnant. My hormones have always sent me on a whirlwind, which may have a considerable effect on my hormones at this stage in my life. I had my last child in my late 30’s and shortly after that I started a tail spin with my hormones. It was issue after issue until in my mid 40’s when I had a hysterectomy.
    I am now 51 and I am confident that I am in menopause and may have been even prior to now. Over the course of dealing with my hormonal problems, I can tell you that this condition played a big part on my mental state. Doctor’s would always want to prescribe psychiatric medications, which I never took. One day I found clarity with a female physician who knew exactly what to prescribe me for my condition and it worked to keep me balanced for several years. She treated my hormone imbalance that I was dealing with from day to day. I was more confident, easier to get along with, less outburst and simply more content. Those were the best 7 years of my life or at least it felt that way, because I felt good.
    I am at a new stage in my life where menopause is truly taking over my life, my mind and my actions, the struggles are real. I do take hormonal medication for the condition but when you are going through menopause, it’s a good idea to limit the amount of stress that you take on. I have always been an on the go person, trying two three or four different ventures at a time. Until recently I realized that I am all over the place, starting and stopping things, lacking any type of patience, unreasonable in certain aspects and just not a pleasant person for my family. I started having ailments due to the type of work that I do and it started having effects on what I thought about my job. Explaining menopause or how you feel to even your spouse is challenging because they really have a hard time conceiving what you are going through, although they know that it’s something. Menopause was so overwhelming to me that I started relying more on my strength in God. I have always relied on him in life and realized that I needed help even more now because I literally felt like I was going to lose my mind.
    I ultimately gave my resignation at my job and I honestly think that part of it was due to this menopause factor, as my ailments became worse and I just did not want to deal with the stress factors anymore. Probably not the best way to have handled this, however the feeling was just so overwhelming and I had already taken leave due to my ailments. I rationalized that I was helping the company by not have to take any additional leave. Imagine that thought process, me helping the company and I’m sure they could probably care less about what is going on with me. The need for me to step back and try to gain some control over me was so powerful. I also decided to let some other outside ventures go until I could cleanse my thought process. My mind would run out of control and I would want to do and try any and everything. This just created more stress for me and although I hated to quit my job that paid very well, I did not think that I would be able to maintain without one day just simply losing it at work. This is just how badly I felt lost in this menopause condition.
    I am sure that there are many women out there who can honestly relate to what I am describing and I hope that each of you will reach out to someone for help. I realized that I needed to sit still for a bit to access my situation. Find you a doctor, preferably a female gynecologist who can relate to what it is that you are going through.
    Menopause is silent in a sense because of women not wanting to expose themselves to criticism. It can be devastating for many of us and cause us to make irrational decisions, lash out at people when we ordinarily would not, throw things, scream and cry a lot. I do not think that anyone not affected by this, can remotely imagine the emotional rollercoaster that menopause creates for some. The sense of feeling trapped in a body that you are not at all familiar with is just unimaginable. It can leave you feeling lost and trapped in your mind just trying to figure out what your next step should be. Menopause can cloud your thought process, causing you to question yourself time and time again.
    The physical aspects of menopause are also devastating for some of us. One day you’re a size 6 and the next day you’re a size 14. It makes you question why it is that some suffer so badly and others are fortunate enough not to have had to endure the baggage that comes along with this ugly word “menopause”. The lost feeling associated with menopause is debilitating and can leave you at a total stand still in life. It causes you to pull away from people, causes you to question your own abilities and can destroy your self-esteem. I found that reading positive words, help me to make it through those days where I simply feel unappreciated, sorry for myself and not wanting to be bothered.
    This is written for informational purpose and in hopes to help others who may be going through menopause to realize that they are not alone. Writing this certainly helps me to breathe and release all this stuff that clouds my mind. I hope that someone will find it worthwhile and for those that do not, may it does not apply to you.

    Anonymously written

    Sherri / Reply
    • Wow! I can’t believe this.you just described my life to a T. Everything you wrote I have done or been through. Quit my job of 27 years sold my house and moved after 22 years.dont want to be around people happy being left alone. Started menopause when I was 48.[ Just turned 53].so sure my family thinks I’m nuts but some days I wonder that myself. I just keep telling myself it will get better. And it is slowly I just try to stay positive read a lot and try to do things I enjoy not so eager to please anymore I think now that I don’t have to live by a schedule I have more time for me. I find the more I say no the better I feel . Some get very annoyed but I feel this is my time now. Thank you for your insight it has really uplifted me today now I know this is really real what I have been going through.

      Pam Beeson / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
      • Pam! God Bless you too! It is SO hard to deal with all the psychological aspects of this! The hot flashes are not even comparible. {{{hugs}}}

        Jacquie / (in reply to Pam Beeson) Reply
    • Wow “Anonymously Written”!! I wish I knew your name so i could lift up a thank you blessing on your behalf! I want to be your friend! Lol what you described is EXACTLY how I have been feeling!! THANK YOU for sharing! I hope this finds its way to you because your post has helped. I have been going through this for awhile and always was SUCH a go-getter and I’m now lucky if I get out of bed or my chair! I don’t want to be this way. I am in the midst of trying to find hope. HRT is not helping but I am not giving up. I WANT MYSELF BACK!! God Bless you and ALL of us women who have to deal with this…

      Jacquie / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • You are describing me to a Tee. I had a nervous breakdown about a month ago because of Menopause. I started hormone replacement and it is saving my sanity. I still get anxious easily and i have resigned from my job for i have come to hate it.

      I am going through the worst time in life. My mental state has so deteriotated that i have started doing meditating before going to sleep. I get anxious for any little reason (which was worse before i started HRT).

      I will be starting a new job soon, i plan to stay on HRt for as long as i can.

      This is absolutely awful!

      Gladys / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • Everything you describe is what I’m going through right now. I’m so demotivated that it’s causing me to be angry with myself but I just can’t get up and do anything. It’s as though I’m mentally paralysed. I feel useless, depressed and overtired all the time. I can’t remember ever feeling so hopeless and useless, fat and ugly. I don’t know how my family are putting up with me. Quite honestly, I’m offending myself. But I cant help it. I don’t know what to do about it, but I lack the compulsion to even try.

      Dawn / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • Sherri, I can’t thank you enough for your post, it resonated so much with me. I am also struggling in the same way, I’m on HRT, eat very little yet still keep gaining weight and I feel like I’ve lost my mind. My anxiety is hell and there seems to be nothing more than can be done for me, I’m trying to tough it out but it’s so hard and I despair I’ll ever feel any happiness again. Abigail.xxx

      Abigail / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • I have a fybiod, think I’ve spelt it right. It’s in the centre of my womb, I had half removed and it slowed my periods down. This was a year ago and my periods are ten days long and heavy. I’m on 215 mg of iron pills three times a day. Have all the pains in my body, just random places, arms , feet and I’m so anxious about bleeding as I have clotting 😞 hate that word. I’m also on tramax acid five days of the month to help thin out my period. I l have appointment next month to assess if I’m having my womb removed or not. Really hoping I can just take a pill and just stop the bleeding altogether. Never been on the pill so will discuss at my appointment, really don’t want womb removed as I’m scared and hate anything being done to me 😞

      Sarah / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • Dear anonymous, wow / I could have written most of those beautiful identical words. To the woman who lost her happy marriage that happened to me although I am remarried and told my then boyfriend, I’m hormonal and he’s very supportive – he’s a godsend / and to the woman who are not comfortable in their now very fat bodies I HEARD YOU UGH I my breasts are now huge and I don’t at all recognize my body and to all of the many BBBBBBRRRRRRRAVE stalwart women I have spent literally 3 hours reading their stories, and for this blogs author – thank you – I thank you for your time and all your considerate responses you write. I feel like you just saved me a trip down find the right psychiatrist path. Which, I drive 2-4 hours to and from work per day so I don’t have time for if I want to keep my job. But I will GET HELP and find the right doctor –

      Just been screen shotting so many of these replies, Anonymous you mentioned that your doctor put you on hormone medication, can you share what age, (so I don’t have to go back thru since I’m dyslexic) if you were still having period and what hormones you took? Not for advice but just to understand since I can relate to you soo well – I am 49, still having periods but the timing of them are very erratic and the length has extended from 3 simply no big deal days to SEVEN days of bleeding. I missed two periods in a year – and like I said, your beautifully penned reply reflects my experiences. I believe it’s been since I was 43-44 when my personality and my ability to just deal with normal day to day drastically changed – I’m taking SAMEe 400 1200mg and one LTheanine am on an empty stomach and then women’s ALIVE 50+ vitamin and 40.000 Vitamin D for the long dreary TN winter – ans ITS EXPENSIVE!!!! But so is cancer so I just don’t want to go into any unnatural direction until I’m to the point where I’m literally unable to work.

      Work. I’m considering telling them I’m premenopausal- I get to work and interact litghtly – mostly just say hi and get to work. Relationships are so challenging and they used to be MY DELIGHT – my girl groups were my pleasure! And NOW? I just get home to my husband and kids and hide away. I thought I was losing my MIND and here after pouring over these beautiful words from you beautiful women, it’s THE CONDITION – what’s that dude from the reality show THE SITUATION haha

      Thank you pales in comparison – I’m going to tie a knot, pray and hold on to the end of it baby, I have 16 more years of this still sounds like!
      MUAH 😘 Heather in Nashville, TN

      Heather Clayton / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
      • Heather I’m being pushed away by my girl. Do you have any advice on how I can help her or even talk to her. When I ask if I can do anything or take her something she says “I dont want to be around people “. I dont know what to do and I fear I’ve lost her. I’ll never leave her. I guess I will just wait but I want to check on her at least once a week but I feel I’m annoying her. It’s harder on her I understand that but I dont want to lose her and her regret this if it ever eases up. I’ve made a couple comments on here but I’m really scared she is slipping away I just need some guidance if someone could please help me.

        LM / (in reply to Heather Clayton) Reply
        • LM – I’m far from being an expert. Does she happen to have any friends or relatives that have gone through the same thing and would be willing to talk to about it? Tell them not to mention it was at your request. Maybe she’d be more willing to talk about it with someone in the same situation or that has been. By the way, being female, I applaud 👏 you for sticking with her and trying to figure out how to help her. Not all men would.

          BMF / (in reply to LM) Reply
    • Hello Lost in Menopause!

      Man, I couldn’t identify with with you more! I want to thank you for sharing and have the courage to do so and making the step to post your experience. I’ve had two children of my own and it seem as if I’ve postpartum depression 3x’s worse that the worst I’ve had! It makes me feel a little better that I truly identify with a other woman! Thank you once again!!! ❤️

      Kathy / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
    • Perfectly said. That is me 100%. My husband is very understanding as our my friends, but I am very symptomatic and currently on FMLA as I cannot function as I normally once did. It feels like the end of the world some days. I have made irrational decisions that have caused major problems in my life and family. I wish there was a quick solution, but everyone is different. I have started eating foods that are non inflammatory, went to organic wine and cut way back as my brain chemistry seems way off and it makes it worse. I don’t do the things I love and use to do and many days I don’t even get dressed or leave the house. I had a very bad and scary am, doing a bit better after some supplements and a Valium that I bought in Mexico years ago because everyone wants to dole out antidepressants. I have anxiety and I do not care for antidepressants. It’s a struggle as the health care has become, well, very bad. To find a good provider these days is near impossible. Another challenge with all this. God Bless you all and I pray you find relief someway. This support chat site has been a great help. It’s easy to think what we are going through is “something” else. When it’s plain old menopause and some of us have it to a life altering extent. Like periods, some people have zero issues, I use to be a ball of the floor, pain so bad I would throw up. And some people, including some Dr.s, would have the balls to say it’s all in your head. Idiots.

      LDW / (in reply to Sherri) Reply
  67. I guess i am lucky that i didn’t have many hot flashes, migraines, or weight gain. I have suffered some bone loss but I am taking Glucosomine, but i really miss HRT, it made me look and feel better.

    Patricia Coldiron / Reply
    • Im so happy for you, I on the other hand am putting on so much weight. I exercise daily and eat less but just seem to put on weight. I hope I will be able to lose the weight soon. I want to get back into my size 14 pants. At the moment Iam size 18 which is a little big on me. My doctor refuse to put me on HRT. They said it isn’t safe, Weird. Thanks for your comment, I hope to feel better.

      • Find a new doctor if you can. HRT is a small, calculated risk unless you have family history of ovarian cancer. I was a medical library manager for 8 years. I did HRT for a few years – it beat being absolutely non-functional and suicidal.

        Candace / (in reply to shaz) Reply
  68. good blog thanks

    b / Reply
  69. I saw a presentation by HeathTalk Online yesterday – it was about women’s experiences of breastfeeding, but it prompted me to check out their menopause pages. I found this one good: http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/later-life/menopause/what-menopause

    Rachel / Reply
  70. Love this blog. My GP has confirmed I’m in peri-menopause (despite being only 48). A couple of years ago I tried to find useful reading about this life phase, but gave up in disgust as it seemed every source merely told me to take lots of evening primrose oil/ black cohosh/ other random herbs. I would love to find a charity or organisation which provided quality information (and maybe even courses) to cover ALL the different periods of a woman’s reproductive life.

    Rachel / Reply
    • Thank you; I’m glad you like it. You are right, it is very hard to find reliable information about our health at different stages of our reproductive lives. Elaine Miller, who wrote the guest blog ‘No sex please, we’re menopausal’ has plenty to say about that. It’s here http://www.evidentlycochrane.net/no-sex-please-menopausal/ Do check out all our menopause blogs, if you haven’t seen them, and Elaine has also written about pelvic floor exercise for us, something else that doesn’t seem to get mentioned, or only when you’ve just had a baby.

      Sarah Chapman / (in reply to Rachel) Reply
    • Hi Rachel,
      I’m pleased the blog resonated with you. Finding reliable information is really hard but I would recommend the Miriam Stoppard book if you can find it. It’s not all great, but at least it considers the evidence – or at least the edition I’ve got does. And it’s not written for clinicians/academics! I was about 45 when I started noticing symptoms but it’s only with hindsight that I recognise them as early peri-menopause. Good luck – I hope you’re one of the ‘sail through-ers’!

      June Girvin / (in reply to Rachel) Reply

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